Nights I spend alone, I spend ‘em runnin round lookin for you, baby. Lookin’ for love. Cause there’s something that I get from myself, And there’s something that you give to me. And if I’ve got one without the other, Then it’s not enough to be – I need your love

January 27th, 2012 — 2:48am

My blogging absence has been shocking. In all fairness though, I’ve had my grandparents, aunty, uncle and three cousins visit us from Taiwan for Chinese New Years, so most afternoons (once I wake up, haha) and evenings are spent entertaining the little ones, and letting them follow me around. As of today, my aunt and uncle have gone back to work overseas, but the rest are still here until the 2nd. Good news is, I’ve started (too slowly) working on a new theme for this blog because words cannot express how sick of its appearance I am!

But I really wanted to make a post before the month was out, and most importantly, because I have a big four days ahead of me. Monday is the Laneway Festival, and the boy and I couldn’t be more excited. We’re also really disappointed with the unfriendly timetable, and so a lot of sacrifices will have to be made on the day… I just don’t understand – why would they overlap Washed Out and Toro Y Moi?! And Twin Shadow. But especially the first two – they’re the same genre, and if you like one, then you pretty much will definitely like the other. Why couldn’t Feist or someone else (and I’m going to get shot for saying this in public) who I couldn’t care any less about, clash with one of these more “minor” acts, so that the crowds would be shifted away? Haha. That’d be the day! So by the looks of it, I have to sacrifice seeing Twin Shadow and The Horrors, but luckily I’ve already seen and photographed the latter before. A quick search showsjust how much I’d been looking forward to Twin Shadow. Sigh.

The other really big deal is that the boy and I have our one-year-anniversary coming up. All of my friends have commented on how much looonger it seems that we’ve been together, and I’ve been surprised to hear a few “it’s only been almost a year?!”, although I guess we’d been a long time coming and are very, very close. And we both feel that it’s just flown past; but in all seriousness, I’m kind of freaking the fuck out. A year’s a really long time. To me, at least. To the both of us. We were never quite the “long term committed relationship” type – and in fact I hate that label, but I guess we’re not “just for now, goodbyeee in a coupla months”, so hmmfph, yeah. Just ask any guy who’s ever been in a room with me, and you’d know what a freakish, unplanned and unpredictable piece of nature this relationship has been for me. I’m terrible at relationships and I’m just plain terrible. But I’d like to keep thinking that my crazy antics and mental instability is made up my sheer awesomeness. We still haven’t made concrete plans yet, so that’s a bit annoying, but oh whatever, it goes with the spontaneous territory that I am.

I’m super sad and pissed off at myself because at dinner last night I accidentally opened the back of my camera up since I’d forgotten that I’d put a roll of film in there already. The only two black and white photos I’d taken were of the boy and the cat sleeping… my two main men were angled just right, so fucking magically… but now they are forever lost to the grave of exposed films. It’s doubly sad because the boy totally hates the idea of sleeping with my cat, so it was a rare accident that he was in such deep sleep and the cat had slept next to him, rather than tried to sleep on him. Argh!

And yes, the travel photos and stories will be coming soon… for now, some film photos from the end of 2011, right before I went overseas:


2nd hand bookstore: self portrait #1.

2nd hand bookstore: self portrait #2.


Reflection of the sky tower. Managed to get this shot riiight before the light went green.

Post-exam celebrations at Non Solo Pizza.

Then he had to cut his hair for work :(

The boy’s room.

Beeeach.

2 comments » | Audience, Cats, Concert, Driving, Emotions, Family, Film, Food, General, Males, Music, Photography, Rants, Raves, Reflections, Romance, School/Ed, Social, Travel

but in the evening I will have to go, what I most want is bad for me I know

January 18th, 2012 — 1:35am

First post of 2012! I’ve been back from my trip for almost a week and I’ve really missed blogging, but have been far too busy to blog until now. I’m going to pan out the travel posts over a long period of time because the boy and I simply got up to too much fun to be able to blog about properly if I tried to do it in one go. Plus, I need lots of posts to spread out the photos in… once I’ve culled the thousands down to a handful per post, ahem. I think I’ll also try and write the posts in such a way that it can be helpful to people who may like to visit the same places! And I know that sounds rather unlikely, because Taiwan is yet to become one of the top places for people to visit, but it’s in Lonely Planet’s Top 10 for this year, and most people just aren’t yet aware of what it has to offer. Coincidentally, my friend happens to be swinging by Taiwan for five days with her family next month, so hopefully more people will be soon enough.

In short, these are the places I’ve disappeared off to for the past month, and the dates for each:

  • December 16th: Taiwan
  • December 18-23rd: China
  • December 23rd – January 7th: Taiwan
  • January 7-9th: Hong Kong

It looks really confusing, but it’s just that the short trip to China was kind of inserted in there at the last minute – my dad happened to be going on a business trip there whilst I was in Taiwan, so I ended up tagging along to Shanghai and Suzhou. But now everything feels like such a denouement after having slept in a tunnel of fish, sharks and stingrays in an aquarium, then spending New Years Eve (the best, ever!) at a rooftop party right next to Taipei’s 101 and its amazing fireworks. Especially since I got to experience all this with my sweet hand-holding, camera-lugging partner in crime. I just want to rave rave rave about the trip and rave rave rave about the boy, but he doesn’t need to let it get to his head, haha. A really new thing for me on the trip was the fact that I let go of my “do not photograph me, I’ll take your picture instead” attitude, so now there’s the most photos of me than there’s ever been in ten years. And I’m happy with that.

My grandparents and uncle’s family are visiting us for Chinese New Year and they arrive tomorrow, so I don’t know how many family obligations I’ll have in the next couple of weeks. But there will definitely be lots of yummy food which I’ll have to keep burning off with my 3-game-Wednesday nights and watch out for impending dread on the arrival of university in a month. I’m taking on a new degree at the same time as finishing my music degree, so we’ll see how that pans out, hmm.

For now, just a belated Happy, Happy New Year!

2 comments » | China, Emotions, Family, General, Hong Kong, Males, Photography, Raves, Reflections, Romance, School/Ed, Social, Taiwan, Travel

There is no doubt, She’s written about. She’s the worst thing I’ve been addicted to, Still I run right back, Run right back to her

December 23rd, 2011 — 6:32pm

Merry merry earrrly Christmas to everyone!

I’d set up the post title and the photos for this post before I left New Zealand but then never got around to writing the actual post itself. And I don’t really have the time nor energy to do it right now either. So expect many travel posts to come when I find the time… or when I’m back in New Zealand.

Be back soon. In Taiwan/China/Hong Kong.

Posting will resume after I’m done photographing, partying, eating, drinking, dancing, pubbing, shopping! Can’t wait to see the boy on Boxing Day this Monday, and we’re also planning on trying to get a spot to do an overnight stay in an aquarium. Fingers crossed!

Just a few photos from pizza making the weekend before last. I’m missing some decent cheese and salami, out here in asia-land, haha. And missing the designated hand-holder.






4 comments » | Consumerism, Food, General, Males, Photography, Romance, Social, Travel

I didn’t mean to scare you, but I miss you… Catharsis’ burning

December 7th, 2011 — 5:18am

I’ve been surprisingly productive today – I finished up the last couple of (major) items for the boy’s early-Christmas present and let him open them extra-extra early. They’re early because I leave New Zealand in a week, but now they’re super early because I didn’t have the patience to wait any longer to give them to him, haha. I also managed to plant some lettuce and tomatoes in the backyard, which, for anyone that knows me, is an amazingly huge feat because I refuse to do any form of gardening since I have terrible hayfever and I’m not fond of gardening anyway. But it’s for the greater good – who doesn’t like fresh salad from the backyard?

The big, exciting, screaming-at-TV event of the day was the fact that the Black Sticks (NZ’s national hockey team) drew with the Netherlands and get to progress through to the medal rounds of the Champions Trophy. Non-hockey fans/followers/players won’t know what the heck I’m on about, but it’s basically a very large and important tournament and it’s being hosted right here in New Zealand at the moment. I ended up watching the game a bit delayed, but I made sure to not have accidentally heard or seen the score beforehand, so the Black Sticks coming back from 3-0 down to draw up even was just incredible. Best stroke I’ve ever seen as well.

In other matters, let’s talk about the Food Channel. I don’t know what it’s like overseas, but I’m sure everyone must know of an equivalent? It’s the channel that I always turn the TV to, whenever I’m leaving the lounge and mum is still in it. I’ve never paid attention to any of the shows before – in fact I usually consciously tune them out because there is just way too much impossible-looking and far too flash sounding food on there – until the other night… I saw the most amazing recipe for a mango cheesecake, topped with a lemon and basil syrup, that I even recorded the darn thing. And then I proceeded to watch the Food Channel for a whole hour between 1-2am just earlier. What is happening to me?! I Next, I dug out mum’s Jamie Oliver cookbook (his first one, the only cookbook I’ve ever used) and actually skim-read through the whole thing and dreamt up all the weird and wonderful times I might have cooking some of the things in it, and for whom and when this may someday happen. In fact, I’m seriously craving some lamb shanks or a good roast pork at the moment. This is so abnormal for me. And I have a feeling the boy’s stomach is about to become a very lucky, well-fed one in the near future.

The other thing I did today was take a ridiculous amount of photos of my affectionately cute and adorable cat. Mum and I were sitting on the couch, about to turn and snap at Flakey to get off the dining table (he obeys because he knows he’s not meant to) when we noticed something was on his nose. Turns out it was a polystyrene ball and we thought it was the most adorable thing ever, so of course we had to whip the camera out. Mum also decided to adorn him with a hat from one of her porcelain dolls… I don’t think he enjoyed it much, and this is a ridiculously image-heavy post, but he is just TOO CUTE.

AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT? He’s cute even when he looks confused and agitated, haha:

Mum took these ones below (and the one of Flakey sleeping, on the right over here):

And Happy Early Birthday, Christine – I know you’re reading this and wishing you had a cat. I hope some smart people got you a cute kitty for your birthday on Friday! (and sorry that I did not…)

6 comments » | Cats, Family, Food, General, Hockey, Males, News, Photography, Raves, Romance, Social, Sports, Travel, TV

who’s the one that wants to slam it in the door and try to hide it, she’s a mystery girl

December 1st, 2011 — 4:15am

It’s official – between beginning-mid October and now, I’ve accidentally lost 5-6kg. I’m using the word accidentally because it really was – I’ve done absolutely nothing in the department of healthier food, more sleep, more exercise, etc to encourage it. And if anything, I’ve eaten more, worse, and exercised a little less. I think it was mostly from the stress of having to get through October that did it, but whatever it is, I don’t really care! Because today I bought a smoking hot dress on a whim, and I actually feel good in it, so what the heck. And off went the rest of my last stash of tutoring money because I also bought a leather skirt – but I’m so happy with both pieces that I gave up trying to decide between them and just went “oh whatever, I’ll get both, I can’t decide!” – which now means slightly less shopping to be done overseas, but I think I can live with that.

The annoying thing about today was that a friend and I were supposed to go to the beach on her day off work, but it just wasn’t sunny nor hot enough. We ended up going into town to see my piercer because the ball off my rook jewellery fell off and it’s an impossible place for me to get it back in myself. Buuut, the best bestest thing about today was when the boy swung round for a tiny little while after work because it’s our ten months today. Which is something I still can’t get my head around, but even with all the bumps and mishaps, it’s been a bloody good time. Which is why I’ve been up until 5 or 6 in the morning all week trying to finish a project that is to be part of his Christmas present. Although, I think that, his four-part present series is kind of a mix between Christmas and our one-year-to-be… so hopefully I’ll manage to finish it soon. The boy’s parents have invited my mum over to their house for dinner this weekend, so that’s going to be interesting. Our parents have never met before, and I don’t know how this sort of thing is supposed to work, so to be honest I’m a little anxious. Especially because – as the boy’s mother pointed out last night – mum is going to be rather outnumbered what with their household of five plus three pets! Ahhh, hopefully all will go smoothly and conversations will flow as the wine does. I mean, there’s no reason why it shouldn’t… but it just seems like such an occasion.

Going to try and hop into bed before the birds start chirping, for the first time this week! Not sure that I’ll actually succeed sleep before then, but at least I should tuck myself in to prepare for it, haha. Because mum and I are going shopping for peonies tomorrow!

Here are some photos from that birthday meal I organised and cooked for some friends the Saturday before last – I have never cooked so much steak in my life!

And oh, about that getting into bed thing… first I have to tame the now-very-awake-cat that has plonked himself down right down in the middle of the part of the bed in which I sleep. Great.

3 comments » | DIY, Family, Fashion/Style, Food, General, Males, Photography, Romance, School/Ed, Social

Yeah I’m just crazy, I’m fucked in the head. And maybe if I really tried with all of my heart, Then I could make a brand new start in love with you

November 21st, 2011 — 5:27am

I made a really nostalgic playlist that is pretty much comprised only of songs from 2008 and 2009. At first it started off as an accident that all the songs were from 2009, but then I sort of continued it on purpose. I’m the sort of person that has rather intense phases with a certain band, album or song in particular, so every time I sort of come out of a phase, I get a really lost feeling like, what the heck did I listen to before that? So here are some oldies:

 1. Lust For Life – Girls
To be honest I never really got into Girls until recently, but this was always pretty much their only standout song to me. Except now I’m way more hooked on it and hearing it reminds me of Bret Easton Ellis’ Less Than Zero and Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk because I had read both those books in around 24 hours each, both whilst listening to Girls for a significant length of time. I relate far too much to those lyrics (especially this weekend…) and it’s also where this post’s title comes from.

2. Skin of the Night – M83
One of my favourite songs by M83… It kind of ties for first place with Asterisk which I posted last month on this previous playlist. I don’t know where to start when it comes to describing this song except that it’s a must-listen. The lyrics are rather creepy to be honest but I guess that’s part of the beauty of it. And the buildup is incredible… it’s almost got like an 80′s synthed-up sort of feel as well, especially because of the drum sound employed.

3. Crystalised – The xx
I just realised another common theme (besides release dates) with this playlist – it’s full of first-or-second favourite songs by bands I like – and this song is no exception. I like all of these songs so much that I changed the blog post title three times before I left it alone, but it had originally started with lyrics from The xx. I will never get sick of calling their stuff sexy, sly, sexy music. Mmm.

4. With My Eyes Closed – The Raveonettes
It took me so long to decide which song from The Raveonettes’ Lust Lust Lust album to put on this playlist. It’s seriously one of my all-time favourite albums ever, and whilst getting the Youtube link for this song, I got completely distracted and spent like half an hour watching videos of the band discussing each track from the album, ha.I’ve said this a thousand times but I’ll say it again – this song makes me think of those old American movies where there’s a prom scene and the teenage couple are finally slow-dancing. Oh, how I want to slow dance. And dance in general. Sigh.

5. It Will All Make Sense in the Morning – Halou
Whilst looking for this song on Youtube, I ended up watching a trailer for some movie that is (according to the greater world wide web) classified as a “gay hustler” film. Ahem. It looks interesting though. I then went and read a review on it. But I doubt I’d watch it because 1/ I’d never be able to get hold of it and 2/ I don’t think the boy would want to sit through that with me. Oh, I should probably clarify here that the reason I saw that trailer at all in the first place is because whoever made it had used this song in the background. Gosh. Love this song.

6. Say Back Something – Tapes ‘n Tapes
This song always makes me want to cry a little… it’s tugs at my heartstrings every time. Besides the obvious, I can’t really explain why. My favourite lines are when it goes “when you say come back/why don’t you mean it in the morning?” and “say back something/why can’t you look me in the eyes?”, ahhhhhhhhhh.

7. The Thief – Secret Knives
I used to be so hooked on the EP that this song is from. I think they came up (from Wellington) to play shows in Auckland a while back but I wasn’t very onto it, and still haven’t gotten around to hearing their album. I think that might largely be contributed to laziness, rather than the “averaaage” review that someone once gave me. Either way, oh this song and this EP makes me so so sooo nostalgic for 2009. It’s one of the songs that just instantly take me back to 7th form, whether that’s a good thing or not.

8. 2010 – The Mint Chicks
Couldn’t find a better link, but skip like the first little bit unless you’re watching the video because the song doesn’t kick in for a little while. I had this song on a limited edition white vinyl that they had at their “farewell tour” thing a few years back, but a friend of mine kindly left it in my car and it melted in the summer sun and heat – I’m still bummed out about this because I liked that version better than the album version. Oh well.

9. Life Will Get Better Some Day – The Mint Chicks
My “other favourite” track from their Screens album.

I’ve had a really crazy couple of days this weekend and I’m too tired and touchy to talk about it. However, I’d have to say that I’m very proud of myself for pulling off cooking risotto and steak for ten people, as part of a kind-of-surprise birthday dinner that we organised for my friend Cara. And boy is right hand tired from all that bloody stirring! I’ll probably post photos from that later on.

Something from the boy:

2 comments » | Emotions, Food, General, Internet, Males, Media/Published, Motion Pictures, Music, Online, Photography, Playlist, Rants, Raves, Reflections, Romance, School/Ed, Social

The taste of life I can’t describe, It’s choking on my mind

November 15th, 2011 — 3:29am

Thank you, for all your kind words. It’s definitely helped a little, towards feeling somewhat less isolated. I’ve been quiet for a week, joined at the hip to the boy, ever since his last exam last Tuesday. We’ve done so much (and arguably very little…) this past week, I simply don’t know where the time has slipped away to. In this week we’ve watched a lot of films, a lot of Boston Legal, ate and drank too much; but I think the two most significant events were going to a cinema together for the first time, and SEEING PORTISHEAD.

I know, I’ve rattled on about my excitement for Portishead in virtually every blog post for the past couple of months. And it wasn’t unjustified. They completely blew my mind. Beth is so, so, so goddamn amazing. The main letdown for me was the crowd. I need to stop wasting my time getting angry and bitching about the crowd, but let me just say this – they were more disinterested than teenagers at a classical concert! The boy and I were pretty much the only people singing along and getting really into it – and we kept getting told off for enjoying ourselves! That pissed me off so much. I only have crappy photos (below) because I was too busy singing/dancing/crying/laughing/snogging and oh yeah – arguing with the arseholes in front of me – to be taking photos, but I do have several videos that have rather good sound quality that I’m really happy to have. I used up 4GB on my little Canon point-and-shoot, just mostly from taking videos. Even on the videos the sound quality is so good that it sounds like it could’ve come off their live album. As I said – Beth was fucking amazing. I still can’t get over that. Just her voice, her execution, her tone. Oh, I’m dying of admiration. And I’m not even a vocalist – but I love her voice and appreciate her singing abilities that much. The other thing about the videos is that you can hear the crowd around us fucking chatting. I mean – are you serious? 1/ YOU’RE AT PORTISHEAD. 2/ It cost a hundred bucks. 3/ IT’S FUCKING PORTISHEAD!!! People are crazy, stupid, retarded… and largely inconsiderate!

I think the main thing I have trouble dealing with, asides from the arseholes, is the fact that the concert felt so disconnected. Yes, it was amazing. Yes, it blew my mind. And I know concerts of your favourite bands always feel so much shorter and time flies – but their set was over an hour (I’ve made a playlist out of their setlist), and yet it was such a seamless blur. Not just to me, but to the boy also. Sure, we were quite under the influence of many rum & cokes, beer and the odd vodka concoction – but we weren’t thaaat intoxicated, we were fully onto it and aware of everything… and yet there is this huge disconnect. As in, I felt like I was watching a video, even though I was singing along and could feel the bass vibrate all around and everything was so real… but really, moreso surreal. It’s the craziest feeling. I’ve been blown away by many bands in my time, but nothing has ever felt close to this. The crazy thing is that, I would totally believe it if somebody told me that it didn’t really happen – that I WAS just watching a video. That’s how surreal it all feels to me. And surprisingly, to the boy also. Sorry for being repetitive. It’s just so fucking weird that I can’t stop saying that! But walking out of Portishead is probably the saddest thing that’s happened all week. That’s happened in a long time.

So, some photos. There aren’t any of the boy and I that are, ahem, PG… that’s why they’re not on here. Yerr. The photographer in me is just dying of embarrassment and “oh my god I neeed a media pass to get my cameraz in”-ness, but here is proof:

Tickets

Euan, Gina and I (we had no idea where they went after a while, they were on the opposite side)

Oh Beth. How she spends the majority of songs standing like that, because of all the spaaaaarse space in the music. Even so. Amazing stage presence.

The second saddest thing that happened all week was saying goodbye to the boy this evening. He starts work at a prominent law firm as a summer clerk tomorrow (for obvious reasons I’m not naming anything here), which meant he had to go home and get his shit together. Aka – iron his shirt. Apparently French cuffs are hard to iron. As I’d said – he should’ve just taken me home with him, but y’know, can’t win them all.

A photo of us, each. I took this photo of him trimming our hedge for us, from my bedroom window. I like how voyeuristic it looks, ha.

He took this photo of me when I was waiting for my turn at pool. I seriously suck these days. This is my “pretend I am totally pulling my weight in this pool-playing partnership” face. We were at his friend’s 22nd birthday dinner, and her house is oh-so-very amazing. Indoor swimming pool? Yes please. Unfortunately we didn’t get to utilise that. But the lights in it were super romantic-looking at night.

And oh yeah, so apparently in addition to Taiwan and Hong Kong, I’m also now going to be spending a week out of my Taiwan-time in China instead. Going with my dad on his business trip. Now I have to re-shuffle all my plans… and work out how to access Gmail over there. I am a chronic email-checker. Gmail is ALWAYS open on the first tab of my Firefox, you see… crap. Lots of rolls of film to be taken of course!

4 comments » | Audience, Concert, Emotions, General, Males, Motion Pictures, Music, Photography, Rants, Raves, Reflections, Romance, Social, Sports, Travel

Just set aside your fears of life, with the sole desire

November 8th, 2011 — 2:53am

I don’t know where my mind is. At all. In the past two weeks of freedom, I have started three draft blog posts (none of which saw the light of day), finished reading Atlas Shrugged, Less Than Zero and Snuff, and painted my new-2nd-hand dressing table which I bought off a friend last month. So here are the photos that have been requested both irl, via txt, email and twitter. It was a 2-day effort, especially since I only started painting it late in the afternoon of both days. And although it wasn’t what I had in mind to start with (I’d initially intended to do crackled gold over the top… but that didn’t work out at all), I think it looks pretty alright. I must say, the final product looks much better in person. Especially since I took those pictures at like 2am when I was finally, exhausted, but delighted to be done with painting textured gold:

Post-exam/assessments state = mess mess mess!

Green base

Using gold powder which is apparently older than I am, rather than the gold acrylics I had intended on using… because it turned out a shit shade (literally) when painted on. This caused a huge detour in repainting the top and a drawer, and general mayhem.

Flakeypie sleeping on my clothes as I paint.

Finished product. It looks funny with flash, but otherwise the gold doesn’t show up. It’s a lot softer looking in person. Eck, anyway. Not amazing, but better than boring cream.

I think I’ve just been really quiet on this blog ever since I’ve been on holiday because I’ve been having trouble with figuring out where I am. Existential problems of a twenty year old. If I don’t change my mind between now and clicking Publish, I will get up and rip a few things off my bedroom walls. November’s a new month. It’s not clogged by university stress or deadlines or pressure to catch a certain ferry in the morning… Summer’s a new season. I need to get onto this wave of “newness” and ride it out for as long as I can – as far as I can. Away from this current spot. This mindset.

I just feel like decisions are harder to make everyday, every year, because the older you get, but more important these decisions tend to be. Back at age 16, whether or not I wanted a summer job, or which jobs I might like to apply for only affected how many movies and concerts I could go to. This very day, a year ago, I had landed at LAX with a bag and plans full of a lot of nothing, and a mind full things I wanted to dump and acquire. Those twenty days changed me a lot. But having said that, I’m changing a lot, all the time. Although my whole life, I’ve always been the kind of person that “changes a lot” and constantly feel like I am, or must be, in a state of motion. A state of momentum, be it pulling me forwards or often times, even backwards… but I always had to be moving… changing. And so right now, when I find myself so idle – right at the end of a period of great motion and turmoil, and on the brink of another such period… what do I do? I want the next twenty days to count – as much as those same twenty days had counted for me, last year. As if not so much, at least, I want them to have meant something. I don’t the next three, four months of summer to turn into a dull, smooth blur, like what the sea appears to be, whilst a dangerously powerful rip lurks beneath the surface. Because that’s what I’m like.

The periods where I am just “alright” are possibly a million times worse than those periods where I experience the whole range of emotional extremes. I’ve contemplated getting medicated as a trial, maybe for a couple of weeks, now that grades and creativity aren’t things I HAVE TO be stressed about… but at the same time I also think that that would be copping out. That it would ruin the past year and a half of resumed talk-therapy and trying really hard to set right the bad mold I’ve been pressed into. Most of all, I think the biggest thing I need to overcome is this need to apologise for everything – to apologise for the way I am, and the things I do, and how I do them. And having to feel like I have to earn things. That I have to earn people’s love, attention, and earn the feeling of deserving any good thing that ever happens to me. This is a messed up topic, most especially because I haven’t put any of this into context, I know, but that would require like an entire autobiography of the past fifteen years, and this blog might explode, ha. But hmm. I can’t believe I just typed all that and not deleted it all. Fuck it. I’m sick of having to censor out the bad things because I don’t want to get too personal, or because I still struggle with anonymity and privacy issues. I’ll share what I want to share.

Anyway, the point is – I’m going to – I’ve got to keep reading like I’ve been doing this week, keep attempting to write, keep clicking the shutter… and heal my hands so that I can play the bass. I had a bit of a dumb accident with my left thumb last night and I feel like I’ve either lightly sprained it, or at least really pissed off a ligament or something, because it hurts like a bitch, and I can feel pain even when I’m not moving it. And then when cutting my nails just before, my right index nail split from the flesh way too deeply and it stings stings stings! So there goes my pivoting finger (left thumb, on the double bass), and one of my playing fingers (right index). Great. So much for working on my chops.

In 14 hours the boy will be exiting his last exam of the year and I can’t wait. Following that we have dinner plans, and we are also going to the cinema together for the first time ever. This has been the source of much heated conversation though. I used to think it was awesome because we’re such an interesting couple that we don’t have to resort to cliche coupley activities. Eye roll. But other factors came in and I got angry and what do you know, I blew the lid off things, as usual. Nonetheless, it will be great and then three sleeps from now we will be seeing Portishead together and I shall cry in public out of sheer happiness and the plan of making these twenty days count will totally be working out. Yup, that’s the plan. Playlist to come! Happy posts to come!

In the meantime, here’s a recent live video of a beautiful, tear-drawing song by Portishead – one of my favourites – and I’m quite positive that it will be played on Thursday night because I’ve been stalking their tour set lists online, and it’s been a staple. Oh god. How will I remain upright when I experience them for myself…

13 comments » | Art, Audience, Cats, Concert, Emotions, General, Health, Jazz, Literature, Males, Motion Pictures, Music, Performer, Photography, Playlist, Rants, Raves, Reflections, Romance, School/Ed, Social, Travel

Youth in a rude stance, Dancing on the edge of dawn

October 26th, 2011 — 2:17pm

Little do I need to say more – the All Blacks have finally won the Rugby World Cup (after 24 years!). I think TV3 got it pretty spot on when they said something along the lines of, no, it won’t bring world peace or stop poverty and cure diseases, but for a moment in time it has brought great happiness to this rugby-mad nation… The media and definitely social media has already well-exploited the topics of how well the French played and how nail-bitingly-close the game was (8-7, with the French dominating possession for much of the second half, for those non-rugby-fans reading this), so I shan’t further ramble about it. But I will admit that I ducked under the blanket I was snuggling in on the couch, and said to the boy “nooo I can’t watch this!” when the French team were attempting their last (luckily missed) penalty kick in the game.

The other great thing about the world for me right now is that I’m virtually on summer holiday. I’ve got a piano test that has been re-postponed until tomorrow, but on top of that, all I have left to do is accompany my friend for his assessment tomorrow, and jazz school is officially over for the year. I have a LOT of practising to be doing though.

I’m not at home, so I can’t make a playlist, but I shall leave this post short and sweet with cute pictures:

Bella, one of the cats in the boy’s household. The one I favour (shh)… although she can be quite the snobby little bitch, I think she’s suuuper duper adorable and magnificent most of the time.

Bilbo, the boy’s beloved dog.

And the cutest of all cutes, Flakey! Here’s him on my lap supervising my composing all-nighter that I pulled last week to finish three compositions in one night.

He’s so so so cute.

When I finally convinced him to give my lap a rest and to sleep on my bed instead.

The next morning, still slaving away at my deadline.

Purrrrrrrrrr.

And yusss, we just attained tickets for Dan Deacon’s show in February. I don’t understand – why do artists not come and tour here more during November/December, and instead wait for late Jan-Feb-March? Since it’s winter in the northern hemisphere anyway, it’s not like they’re particularly busy touring then? Of course, this is me being ridiculous and saying that musicians aren’t people and don’t need a holiday. Eye roll.

2 comments » | Audience, Cats, Concert, General, Jazz, Males, Music, News, Performer, Photography, Playlist, Raves, Rugby, School/Ed, Social, Sports

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