Friends, acquaintences, and other social matters.

it’s been at least another year, and I still haven’t got the chance to say

Disappearing from my blog because, oh you know, real life is so much more… I simply have far too many adjectives to insert here that I’d better just quit while I’m ahead. I’ve had an absolutely splendid first three-quarters of this two-week “study break” (aka two weeks off in the middle of a 12-week semester in order to catch up on what I like to call the 3 S’s – anyone want to stab a guess at what they are?) but now it’s all downhill from here since I’m having to face three assignments that I’ve conveniently avoided until now. The main thing that I’ve spent the past few days on has been hand-making and writing out almost fifty invitations for my 21st birthday party. Although turning 21 isn’t all that “special” in terms of what you get to do here in NZ since the drinking age has been at 18 for quite a few years now, it is still considered a milestone birthday where people tend to throw big parties that involve speeches. So, being the super-sentimental person that I am, of course that’s exactly what I’m doing, except that planning it has proven to be rather time and energy-consuming.

I’m not sure if it’s craziness or just my refusal to let facebook take over the my world, but I didn’t want my birthday invitation to just be a mass message put on the internet where people are bombarded by events everyday, and nothing ever feels personal anymore. On top of that, I want to make my birthday nice in the underrated and undervalued sense of the word, and for it to not become just another blur in everyone’s memories of this years’ batch of 21st birthday parties. Because by the time you’ve been to three or four weekends of 21st birthday parties in a row… unfortunately they do begin to blur. So in typical Amanda fashion of all-or-nothing, I made them all myself, only employing mum’s help for some advice, and asking her to ship the cards into the next room for me because I ran out of floor space! I’ve still got the majority of them sitting behind me on my bed though… need to deliver them all ASAP!

Here’s some pictures of the lengthy process. Luckily the only purchase I had to make in contribution to these invitations were ribbons, since mum magically has all the art supplies I needed! I made them by cutting up large watercolour paper into quarters. Painted. Textured. Folded with two ribbons tied on and hand drew a double bass design that I had made into a stencil. Then I wrote, signed and sealed them in wax.

This whole process of planning and inviting people to my 21st has also inspired me to catch up with a lot of old friends that I’ve not had the chance to see in far too long. It’s definitely been a colourful couple of weeks, and on Saturday I had a mini-drinks thing at Daniel’s house where Cara fed us all too much cheese and salami. Definitely not a complaint though! And despite the assignment deadlines, the boy and I have made some lovely plans for the next couple of days/nights; and tomorrow night dad is uploading to dropbox my film scans for the b/w rolls he’s gotten developed in Taiwan for me, so I can’t wait to see those either!

feel it come from nowhere, taking over me. feel it come from nowhere, tell me why, tell me why

I don’t think I’ve ever been so glad about it finally being Thursday. It’s not exactly a day of the week that people generally look forward to. Nevertheless, today I’ve been able to sleep, read, eat – whatever I wanted, virtually whenever I wanted. This is a stark contrast to the previous three days, during which I’ve had three tests, two assignments and a recital. The two written tests were both yesterday, which kinda sucked – by the end of my evening test, my arm, hand and fingers were cramping out from the sheer amount of writing I’d had to cram into such a short time. Eleven pages in an hour? Not bad. Let’s hope my mark turns out to be better than “not bad” though.

Anyone who knows me well at all would know that I’m not one for sustained effort. I tend to “not really care” about my grades, and my results always seem to be in inverse proportion to how much I tried or pretended to have studied. I’d like to think that it shows what I’m naturally good at. But heck. So this week, and this year altogether has been a weird change for me. My grades are important now, and I’ve discovered what it’s like to actually study for a test. And they will continue to be important and pivotal towards what I would like to pursue after my two degrees are fiiinally completed. That’s a scary thought. The idea that whether I study longer and sleep less or study less and sleep more could indirectly change the direction of my life’s path freaks me out. I know that’s oversimplifying it, but you can’t help but wonder – was the three hours’ extra study the night before a test/exam worth the three hours’ less sleep?

Also, here are some film photos from my friend Christine’s 21st birthday party. It was all the way back in December, the night before I left for my trip, but I’ve finally gotten around to putting them up now. It’s just so lovely, how happy she looks. It makes me smile just to remember how delighted she was with the speeches and how the night went. All taken on Kodak UltraMax 400 colour film with a Nikon F3:

Which brings me to the troubling issue of having to organise my own 21st birthday party. Which is less than two months away! Crap, I had better get those invitations and decorations sorted… ideas anyone?

we learn together over time that tolerance is more appealing tn theory than in practice. ah, we wait at ease, we wait to see – we are waiting here for catastrophe

I’m getting terribly behind on travel posts (I can’t believe it’s been two months already!) but I don’t want to rush them and want to do justice to all the fun and photos we had. This… putting off of sorts has definitely been brought to attention by the boy, so it’s definitely not like I’ve forgotten about it, it’s just a matter of time…

The truth about me is that I’ve been very lacking in motivation since circa 2004, and the sort of motivation I’m talking about is something of an all-round kind of motivation. The sort of drive that isn’t limited to one area of life or activity at hand – rather, something that spans across daily life in general, and dreams at large. But I’ve completely surprised myself these past couple of weeks by my new-found resolve to, well, put bluntly, try. I feel like I’ve spent the better part of the last decade running away from expectations of me, and avoiding the deadly word that gets thrown around a lot when people talk about me: potential. (Don’t even get me started on the whole idea of “potential”… trust me, I’ll never shut up.)

Anyway, what have I been doing away from the blogosphere? I’ve stayed ahead in my course readings, I’ve actually practised the bass (I know, right? It’s my bloody major and I often neglect it more than I should) and I’m determined, bloody determined to get things the way I want them. I want to get myself to where I want to be, or at least, in the direction of where I think I want to head, because frankly I have no idea where I want to “go”, as such. Today the boy and I washed our cars in the rain, as it was our mutual day off from uni. It sounds either more romantic or more dreadful than it actually was – and downright stupid, I know. But we did it despite the rain since it was already planned, and both our cars were dirrrty so it really couldn’t be ignored any longer. The “me” a month ago would’ve probably just sat inside and kept reading whilst the boy went and washed his car, or somehow negotiated another day to do it – but I’m glad that I got off my arse and did it today.

Also, I joined a gym last week, and I made sure to join the new fancy 24-hour franchise gym, because then I’m not limited to the crappy opening hours of traditional gyms. Believe it or not, for once I was the one urging my friend (who has been a member there for sometime, but I know doesn’t go often enough) to make a gym date with me, so that we can’t let each other down and have to show up. And show up we did. Yes, yes it was well after nine that evening, but I pounded out around 3-4km on the treadmill at a decent pace, and I didn’t even need Angie to hold my hand through it. I did my core exercises and other things and then… I felt fucking great. Then today I had a complimentary one-hour session with the personal trainer that also happens to manage the gym, and I am getting a programme made up for me so that I have more of a sense of direction as to what exercises I need to do for the fitness level and strength areas I want to achieve. He said he was really surprised by how motivated I am, and how a lot of people are all groggy and laid-back about it all, but I seem really determined to achieve things. And I guess I really am. I hadn’t really thought that much about it until then – how suddenly motivated I have become. All-round. Not just in one degree, but both. Not just with uni, but with hockey, with trying to be a better and happier person all around.

Then yesterday at my hockey trials I ran my butt off and tried my very best, even though I didn’t get put in my ideal positions. They’ve restructured the grades and so there are 3, maybe 4 teams’ worth of people trialing for the one team. I think I did well enough yesterday, but I’m definitely going to step it up for the second round of trials next week. Watch this space. Hopefully this time next week I’m gleefully chirping about looking forward to the hockey season… rather than being disappointed about it.

I thought I’d share the dinner that I whipped up for my mum, cousin and myself tonight – I have a tendency to make recipes up as I go, so today I’m pretty happy with how my pasta turned out. I started off with a bunch of tomatoes… then the next thing I knew I was all, phew, sorry to say so myself, but this sauce is bloody delicious. It’s a shame the boy had football training and missed out on it. (On the topic of football, did anyone see Barcelona and Messi’s ridiculously amazing result today?!!!) So, courtesy of a very full fridge, I’d cooked: sirloin steak, fish baked in lemon juice and ground pepper, butter pan-friend zucchini, pasta in some randomly concocted sauce, and mushrooms with melted butter and bacon. Ahhh I’m hungry all over again just thinking about this!

 

 

By the way, how do I hold onto this surge of motivation? Is it even possible/probable?

has black hair, and who cares? well I do. You’ve got a lovely smile, I could spend a while with that smile. Would you hold my hand? I’m as cold as the snow If you said let’s go, I would follow.

Little over a week ago, this is where we were, frolicking in the sea,  tumbling in the sand and spluttering out salt. This is where we were, when we befriended seagulls that stalked us to our two-night-home and learnt that pseudo high-jumping onto sand dunes was difficult if the sand was soft underfoot. This is where locals and tourists alike flocked to, and could you blame them?

Final summer getaway location – taken on Kodak UltraMax 400 colour film; nondescript Konica.

University just started this week, so it’s completely taken over everyone’s lives, once again. I can’t be bothered explaining the finer details, but I’ve taken up another degree, without the possibility of a conjoint arrangement, so as of Monday I’ve embarked on doing two full degrees, concurrently. I don’t know what you’re supposed to call it – some say a “double major”, but I think that just sounds like I’m doing two majors under one degree – regardless, I’m kind of freaking out. Although I think at the moment I am at a good place between optimistic confidence and nervousness over grades and all that, rather than being on the extremes of cockiness or absolute breakdown, so I will try to maintain a steady mindset. I must say, I really miss being a full-time hermit down at jazz school. To put things in context, jazz school is in a separate building from the School of Music (I’ve been a music student for 2 years and have never had a class in there until now!) and the rest of university altogether. Although it is only a few blocks and a hill down the road, it’s a very different atmosphere from the rest of university. And now I’m subjected to having to move around through crowds and crowds of people, feeling claustrophobic in a very full basement lecture room, and generally not enjoying how horrible some people are, without having to utter a single word. I know, I know, this is what university is supposed to be like, and I will indeed suck it up and get over it, but I just say to say woaaaah what a shock to the system, even though I knew it was coming! My final and main complaint is that I simply don’t understand how rude people are. More specifically (skipping over those people whose phones go off, chat in the doorway of a busy building, don’t move 50-50 out of the way so everyone can keep moving…), I hate the girls all over uni who just glare at people as if they’re pieces of shit. As if I’ve personally offended them by merely existing. The evil up-and-down, know what I’m talking about? It’s like the bitchy version of checking someone out. I am so over that shit, just get me to 2013 so I can be half-hermit again, please!

Anyway, I will put up the rest of last week’s photos from the same roll of film – I still can’t believe that it was merely last week! It feels like so, soo long ago. The good news about today is that now I’m officially a member at a 24-hour gym, which means I will have a more productive activity to help with those sleepless nights. Buuut the great news of today is that the boy and I have secured Radiohead tickets for their show here in November. It felt really surreal right after we managed to buy them online today (sold out in less than 5 minutes, no joke), but now it’s all worn off and I totally don’t feel it at all. Although I love Radiohead, I was never one of those fans that longed for them to come to New Zealand, nor did I ever join in on the rumour circuit, every time they did a tour; so when they finally announced a show in Auckland… well I still feel like, oh really? But it will be amazing. It will be the boy and I’s equivalent to seeing Portishead last November.

I could bet all the riches that I ever had, Rushing the night like a shark babe. Would it be bad if I had to set the alarm, Cos those thrills that run up my back

Laneway festival was only two and a half weeks ago, but it already seems like a long, long time has passed. Funny how some of the most fond memories of events that were once looked forward to so badly can fizzle out into a patch of pleasant-blur. It was a shame that I couldn’t see every act that I was interested in – the boy and I had to cull our choices down and make our own timetable to run by. We had a great day, but I can’t help but feel that it could’ve been better. To be honest, yes, I loved the music, but I was let down by a handful of things and I’m just not sure how great of an idea it is (the festival’s finances aside) to expand the festival by so much. I’ll get pinned for elitism again, but I just felt it was such a shame that majority of the crowd didn’t seem that into the music at all… in fact, most people appeared to be hardly familiar with the music at many of the acts! To clarify, the reason I say it’s a shame is because the bands have come such a long way to this corner of the world, only to be met with largely static and unengaged crowds. It’s also a shame because I think that many people would’ve enjoyed themselves more whilst bearing with the scorching sun and heat, if they were more familiar with the music – rather than just the typical one song that eeeveryone seems to show up to half these sets for! Plus, I always find that being amongst the atmosphere which a very enthusiastic crowd of “fans”-that-are-actually-fans create is one of the most amazing and indescribable feelings in the world. It just kinda sucked that for most of the afternoon, only a handful of other people actually moved, danced and sang along to song after song, to the bands that we’d long-awaited for.

It had been discussed many times between the boy and I as to who would be the “dark horse” band of the day, akin to Blonde Redhead’s set last year, which just blew us both out of the water, and we’ve been even bigger fans since. Whilst the boy had initially vouched for Cults, I’m afraid to say it didn’t take them long to disappoint us. Sometimes I think that perhaps I ought to lower my expectations, but then M83 at the end of the night quashed that thought before Intro was out. Technical issues didn’t help the opening of Cults’ set, but even after that was fixed, it took Madeline a couple of songs to warm up her voice and cease singing flat. I’m sorry, forever a music student’s woes! But I’m happy that I was right and Yuck played an amazing set (at which I was that lone idiotic-looking fan that sang and danced along to everything with my boyfriend), and they played every song that I had hoped to hear.

Nitty gritty details and complaints aside, it was a great day and we had a lot of fun. It’s also obvious that I’m trying to wrap up this blog post because, oh no, it is once again almost dawn and I should sleep… Semi-Laneway-related playlist with more details is at the bottom!

We ferried into the city for the festival, and were lucky to be one of the last people that managed to get on. Being Auckland Anniversary meant that there were a lot of events in town, and the ferry simply wasn’t big enough so lots of people were left behind at the marina.

Hair tie = wild-hair-in-the-wind prevention technique.

 

 And because I’m too lazy to take photos myself, I stole these off web-stores instead. Here is what I wore: lace up boots by B Store with a harness vest by Friend of Mine, worn over a white singlet and white denim cutoffs. My mother reckons that the back of the vest is, in her words, “a bit scary looking”, aka rather BDSM-suggestive – and isn’t it just? I love it though, and I’ve worn it out to random places ever since I got over the fact that I’d constantly get asked about it. These are also the shoes that I wore to the Dan Deacon show, four days after Laneway. I know it seems silly to wear heels to a festival (believe it or not, it was the boy that convinced me to wear them), but it was totally worth it for the extra height. I usually don’t have much trouble seeing at concerts, but I definitely had a better view with these babies on! And I managed to stay upright, even with all the potholes in the grass at one of the stages, so it was fiiine.

1. Hold On – SBTRKT
SBTRKT’s album is forever going to be associated with playing CS for me; I’d gotten into both at around the same time, and it became a bit of a ritual to pair up the two. So imagine how surreal it was to see him live on a patch of uneven grass, with the early evening sun dipping to just above the stage-line and yachts just metres away to one side. Very different to holing up in my room, hours spent cursing at getting kills stolen!

2. Shook Down – Yuck
Oh this song! This heartbreakingly-sweet, sweet song! This band! I love them! Go listen! This is a lot of exclamation marks!

3. Vomit – Girls
Another let down of the day: Girls’ set got cut short because they were running behind schedule (not their fault) and got booted off. I was happy that it happened after they played my top-two songs though – this, and “Lust For Life”. This is a bit of a sombre song, but I just love it. I love the sound, the lyrics, and why/how he wrote them. In Christopher Owens’ own words: “As a dog returns to his vomit, so does a fool return to his folly. You can be very aware of how crazy you’re being sometimes, and be very aware of how you’re not able to help yourself.”

4. How I Know – Toro Y Moi
Underneath his trademark sunshine-evoking sound actually lies a lot of uncertainty and grey space, and I guess that’s why Toro Y Moi stands out to me. The boy’s very into his music, and I don’t know, we’ve never discussed it at length (yet), so I can’t say for sure, but I think we like him for very different reasons. Or at least, I like him for what I think are underrated and often-overlooked reasons. The line “You don’t seem sure/What you want to happen now” puts so many of my life’s moments into a warped nutshell that it freaks me out.

5. Serpents – Sharon Van Etten
This is a song that I fell for the first time I heard it, and then fell out with it upon the second… I guess I’ve been trying to figure out ever since what it was that I heard in it that very first time.

6. Sparkly – Young Magic
This is a poor description of the song, but what came to mind for me was that it sounds like a chilled-out version of the album In Rainbows. I know, I knooow, what a dumb thing to think and to say. But it’s a spacey song that still somehow manages to stay a little intense, just enough for you to still be listening to it, even if you intended it to be background music. And I like what a dead and muted sound the “percussion” is, yet it’s been produced with a little depth to it.

7. Never Heal Myself – Cults
I’m just a sucker for songs that say “[so] fuck you”, especially when its been sonically portrayed in such a deceptively sweet way. The link is to a live video of them performing… if only they played that well at Laneway. Although I was glad that Madeline managed to warm up by that late stage in their set that she didn’t miss the top notes anymore.

8. New Map – M83
M83 are sooo soooooo soooooooooooo good live. The kind of performance that sounds just like the record but somehow manages to outdo it, you know the sort.

9. Snookered – Dan Deacon
This makes me want to cry. Enough said.

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