Rants about everything, anything and yet nothing at all.

has black hair, and who cares? well I do. You’ve got a lovely smile, I could spend a while with that smile. Would you hold my hand? I’m as cold as the snow If you said let’s go, I would follow.

Little over a week ago, this is where we were, frolicking in the sea,  tumbling in the sand and spluttering out salt. This is where we were, when we befriended seagulls that stalked us to our two-night-home and learnt that pseudo high-jumping onto sand dunes was difficult if the sand was soft underfoot. This is where locals and tourists alike flocked to, and could you blame them?

Final summer getaway location – taken on Kodak UltraMax 400 colour film; nondescript Konica.

University just started this week, so it’s completely taken over everyone’s lives, once again. I can’t be bothered explaining the finer details, but I’ve taken up another degree, without the possibility of a conjoint arrangement, so as of Monday I’ve embarked on doing two full degrees, concurrently. I don’t know what you’re supposed to call it – some say a “double major”, but I think that just sounds like I’m doing two majors under one degree – regardless, I’m kind of freaking out. Although I think at the moment I am at a good place between optimistic confidence and nervousness over grades and all that, rather than being on the extremes of cockiness or absolute breakdown, so I will try to maintain a steady mindset. I must say, I really miss being a full-time hermit down at jazz school. To put things in context, jazz school is in a separate building from the School of Music (I’ve been a music student for 2 years and have never had a class in there until now!) and the rest of university altogether. Although it is only a few blocks and a hill down the road, it’s a very different atmosphere from the rest of university. And now I’m subjected to having to move around through crowds and crowds of people, feeling claustrophobic in a very full basement lecture room, and generally not enjoying how horrible some people are, without having to utter a single word. I know, I know, this is what university is supposed to be like, and I will indeed suck it up and get over it, but I just say to say woaaaah what a shock to the system, even though I knew it was coming! My final and main complaint is that I simply don’t understand how rude people are. More specifically (skipping over those people whose phones go off, chat in the doorway of a busy building, don’t move 50-50 out of the way so everyone can keep moving…), I hate the girls all over uni who just glare at people as if they’re pieces of shit. As if I’ve personally offended them by merely existing. The evil up-and-down, know what I’m talking about? It’s like the bitchy version of checking someone out. I am so over that shit, just get me to 2013 so I can be half-hermit again, please!

Anyway, I will put up the rest of last week’s photos from the same roll of film – I still can’t believe that it was merely last week! It feels like so, soo long ago. The good news about today is that now I’m officially a member at a 24-hour gym, which means I will have a more productive activity to help with those sleepless nights. Buuut the great news of today is that the boy and I have secured Radiohead tickets for their show here in November. It felt really surreal right after we managed to buy them online today (sold out in less than 5 minutes, no joke), but now it’s all worn off and I totally don’t feel it at all. Although I love Radiohead, I was never one of those fans that longed for them to come to New Zealand, nor did I ever join in on the rumour circuit, every time they did a tour; so when they finally announced a show in Auckland… well I still feel like, oh really? But it will be amazing. It will be the boy and I’s equivalent to seeing Portishead last November.

I could bet all the riches that I ever had, Rushing the night like a shark babe. Would it be bad if I had to set the alarm, Cos those thrills that run up my back

Laneway festival was only two and a half weeks ago, but it already seems like a long, long time has passed. Funny how some of the most fond memories of events that were once looked forward to so badly can fizzle out into a patch of pleasant-blur. It was a shame that I couldn’t see every act that I was interested in – the boy and I had to cull our choices down and make our own timetable to run by. We had a great day, but I can’t help but feel that it could’ve been better. To be honest, yes, I loved the music, but I was let down by a handful of things and I’m just not sure how great of an idea it is (the festival’s finances aside) to expand the festival by so much. I’ll get pinned for elitism again, but I just felt it was such a shame that majority of the crowd didn’t seem that into the music at all… in fact, most people appeared to be hardly familiar with the music at many of the acts! To clarify, the reason I say it’s a shame is because the bands have come such a long way to this corner of the world, only to be met with largely static and unengaged crowds. It’s also a shame because I think that many people would’ve enjoyed themselves more whilst bearing with the scorching sun and heat, if they were more familiar with the music – rather than just the typical one song that eeeveryone seems to show up to half these sets for! Plus, I always find that being amongst the atmosphere which a very enthusiastic crowd of “fans”-that-are-actually-fans create is one of the most amazing and indescribable feelings in the world. It just kinda sucked that for most of the afternoon, only a handful of other people actually moved, danced and sang along to song after song, to the bands that we’d long-awaited for.

It had been discussed many times between the boy and I as to who would be the “dark horse” band of the day, akin to Blonde Redhead’s set last year, which just blew us both out of the water, and we’ve been even bigger fans since. Whilst the boy had initially vouched for Cults, I’m afraid to say it didn’t take them long to disappoint us. Sometimes I think that perhaps I ought to lower my expectations, but then M83 at the end of the night quashed that thought before Intro was out. Technical issues didn’t help the opening of Cults’ set, but even after that was fixed, it took Madeline a couple of songs to warm up her voice and cease singing flat. I’m sorry, forever a music student’s woes! But I’m happy that I was right and Yuck played an amazing set (at which I was that lone idiotic-looking fan that sang and danced along to everything with my boyfriend), and they played every song that I had hoped to hear.

Nitty gritty details and complaints aside, it was a great day and we had a lot of fun. It’s also obvious that I’m trying to wrap up this blog post because, oh no, it is once again almost dawn and I should sleep… Semi-Laneway-related playlist with more details is at the bottom!

We ferried into the city for the festival, and were lucky to be one of the last people that managed to get on. Being Auckland Anniversary meant that there were a lot of events in town, and the ferry simply wasn’t big enough so lots of people were left behind at the marina.

Hair tie = wild-hair-in-the-wind prevention technique.

 

 And because I’m too lazy to take photos myself, I stole these off web-stores instead. Here is what I wore: lace up boots by B Store with a harness vest by Friend of Mine, worn over a white singlet and white denim cutoffs. My mother reckons that the back of the vest is, in her words, “a bit scary looking”, aka rather BDSM-suggestive – and isn’t it just? I love it though, and I’ve worn it out to random places ever since I got over the fact that I’d constantly get asked about it. These are also the shoes that I wore to the Dan Deacon show, four days after Laneway. I know it seems silly to wear heels to a festival (believe it or not, it was the boy that convinced me to wear them), but it was totally worth it for the extra height. I usually don’t have much trouble seeing at concerts, but I definitely had a better view with these babies on! And I managed to stay upright, even with all the potholes in the grass at one of the stages, so it was fiiine.

1. Hold On – SBTRKT
SBTRKT’s album is forever going to be associated with playing CS for me; I’d gotten into both at around the same time, and it became a bit of a ritual to pair up the two. So imagine how surreal it was to see him live on a patch of uneven grass, with the early evening sun dipping to just above the stage-line and yachts just metres away to one side. Very different to holing up in my room, hours spent cursing at getting kills stolen!

2. Shook Down – Yuck
Oh this song! This heartbreakingly-sweet, sweet song! This band! I love them! Go listen! This is a lot of exclamation marks!

3. Vomit – Girls
Another let down of the day: Girls’ set got cut short because they were running behind schedule (not their fault) and got booted off. I was happy that it happened after they played my top-two songs though – this, and “Lust For Life”. This is a bit of a sombre song, but I just love it. I love the sound, the lyrics, and why/how he wrote them. In Christopher Owens’ own words: “As a dog returns to his vomit, so does a fool return to his folly. You can be very aware of how crazy you’re being sometimes, and be very aware of how you’re not able to help yourself.”

4. How I Know – Toro Y Moi
Underneath his trademark sunshine-evoking sound actually lies a lot of uncertainty and grey space, and I guess that’s why Toro Y Moi stands out to me. The boy’s very into his music, and I don’t know, we’ve never discussed it at length (yet), so I can’t say for sure, but I think we like him for very different reasons. Or at least, I like him for what I think are underrated and often-overlooked reasons. The line “You don’t seem sure/What you want to happen now” puts so many of my life’s moments into a warped nutshell that it freaks me out.

5. Serpents – Sharon Van Etten
This is a song that I fell for the first time I heard it, and then fell out with it upon the second… I guess I’ve been trying to figure out ever since what it was that I heard in it that very first time.

6. Sparkly – Young Magic
This is a poor description of the song, but what came to mind for me was that it sounds like a chilled-out version of the album In Rainbows. I know, I knooow, what a dumb thing to think and to say. But it’s a spacey song that still somehow manages to stay a little intense, just enough for you to still be listening to it, even if you intended it to be background music. And I like what a dead and muted sound the “percussion” is, yet it’s been produced with a little depth to it.

7. Never Heal Myself – Cults
I’m just a sucker for songs that say “[so] fuck you”, especially when its been sonically portrayed in such a deceptively sweet way. The link is to a live video of them performing… if only they played that well at Laneway. Although I was glad that Madeline managed to warm up by that late stage in their set that she didn’t miss the top notes anymore.

8. New Map – M83
M83 are sooo soooooo soooooooooooo good live. The kind of performance that sounds just like the record but somehow manages to outdo it, you know the sort.

9. Snookered – Dan Deacon
This makes me want to cry. Enough said.

Nights I spend alone, I spend ’em runnin round lookin for you, baby. Lookin’ for love. Cause there’s something that I get from myself, And there’s something that you give to me. And if I’ve got one without the other, Then it’s not enough to be – I need your love

My blogging absence has been shocking. In all fairness though, I’ve had my grandparents, aunty, uncle and three cousins visit us from Taiwan for Chinese New Years, so most afternoons (once I wake up, haha) and evenings are spent entertaining the little ones, and letting them follow me around. As of today, my aunt and uncle have gone back to work overseas, but the rest are still here until the 2nd. Good news is, I’ve started (too slowly) working on a new theme for this blog because words cannot express how sick of its appearance I am!

But I really wanted to make a post before the month was out, and most importantly, because I have a big four days ahead of me. Monday is the Laneway Festival, and the boy and I couldn’t be more excited. We’re also really disappointed with the unfriendly timetable, and so a lot of sacrifices will have to be made on the day… I just don’t understand – why would they overlap Washed Out and Toro Y Moi?! And Twin Shadow. But especially the first two – they’re the same genre, and if you like one, then you pretty much will definitely like the other. Why couldn’t Feist or someone else (and I’m going to get shot for saying this in public) who I couldn’t care any less about, clash with one of these more “minor” acts, so that the crowds would be shifted away? Haha. That’d be the day! So by the looks of it, I have to sacrifice seeing Twin Shadow and The Horrors, but luckily I’ve already seen and photographed the latter before. A quick search showsjust how much I’d been looking forward to Twin Shadow. Sigh.

The other really big deal is that the boy and I have our one-year-anniversary coming up. All of my friends have commented on how much looonger it seems that we’ve been together, and I’ve been surprised to hear a few “it’s only been almost a year?!”, although I guess we’d been a long time coming and are very, very close. And we both feel that it’s just flown past; but in all seriousness, I’m kind of freaking the fuck out. A year’s a really long time. To me, at least. To the both of us. We were never quite the “long term committed relationship” type – and in fact I hate that label, but I guess we’re not “just for now, goodbyeee in a coupla months”, so hmmfph, yeah. Just ask any guy who’s ever been in a room with me, and you’d know what a freakish, unplanned and unpredictable piece of nature this relationship has been for me. I’m terrible at relationships and I’m just plain terrible. But I’d like to keep thinking that my crazy antics and mental instability is made up my sheer awesomeness. We still haven’t made concrete plans yet, so that’s a bit annoying, but oh whatever, it goes with the spontaneous territory that I am.

I’m super sad and pissed off at myself because at dinner last night I accidentally opened the back of my camera up since I’d forgotten that I’d put a roll of film in there already. The only two black and white photos I’d taken were of the boy and the cat sleeping… my two main men were angled just right, so fucking magically… but now they are forever lost to the grave of exposed films. It’s doubly sad because the boy totally hates the idea of sleeping with my cat, so it was a rare accident that he was in such deep sleep and the cat had slept next to him, rather than tried to sleep on him. Argh!

And yes, the travel photos and stories will be coming soon… for now, some film photos from the end of 2011, right before I went overseas:


2nd hand bookstore: self portrait #1.

2nd hand bookstore: self portrait #2.


Reflection of the sky tower. Managed to get this shot riiight before the light went green.

Post-exam celebrations at Non Solo Pizza.

Then he had to cut his hair for work :(

The boy’s room.

Beeeach.

Yeah I’m just crazy, I’m fucked in the head. And maybe if I really tried with all of my heart, Then I could make a brand new start in love with you

I made a really nostalgic playlist that is pretty much comprised only of songs from 2008 and 2009. At first it started off as an accident that all the songs were from 2009, but then I sort of continued it on purpose. I’m the sort of person that has rather intense phases with a certain band, album or song in particular, so every time I sort of come out of a phase, I get a really lost feeling like, what the heck did I listen to before that? So here are some oldies:

 1. Lust For Life – Girls
To be honest I never really got into Girls until recently, but this was always pretty much their only standout song to me. Except now I’m way more hooked on it and hearing it reminds me of Bret Easton Ellis’ Less Than Zero and Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk because I had read both those books in around 24 hours each, both whilst listening to Girls for a significant length of time. I relate far too much to those lyrics (especially this weekend…) and it’s also where this post’s title comes from.

2. Skin of the Night – M83
One of my favourite songs by M83… It kind of ties for first place with Asterisk which I posted last month on this previous playlist. I don’t know where to start when it comes to describing this song except that it’s a must-listen. The lyrics are rather creepy to be honest but I guess that’s part of the beauty of it. And the buildup is incredible… it’s almost got like an 80’s synthed-up sort of feel as well, especially because of the drum sound employed.

3. Crystalised – The xx
I just realised another common theme (besides release dates) with this playlist – it’s full of first-or-second favourite songs by bands I like – and this song is no exception. I like all of these songs so much that I changed the blog post title three times before I left it alone, but it had originally started with lyrics from The xx. I will never get sick of calling their stuff sexy, sly, sexy music. Mmm.

4. With My Eyes Closed – The Raveonettes
It took me so long to decide which song from The Raveonettes’ Lust Lust Lust album to put on this playlist. It’s seriously one of my all-time favourite albums ever, and whilst getting the Youtube link for this song, I got completely distracted and spent like half an hour watching videos of the band discussing each track from the album, ha.I’ve said this a thousand times but I’ll say it again – this song makes me think of those old American movies where there’s a prom scene and the teenage couple are finally slow-dancing. Oh, how I want to slow dance. And dance in general. Sigh.

5. It Will All Make Sense in the Morning – Halou
Whilst looking for this song on Youtube, I ended up watching a trailer for some movie that is (according to the greater world wide web) classified as a “gay hustler” film. Ahem. It looks interesting though. I then went and read a review on it. But I doubt I’d watch it because 1/ I’d never be able to get hold of it and 2/ I don’t think the boy would want to sit through that with me. Oh, I should probably clarify here that the reason I saw that trailer at all in the first place is because whoever made it had used this song in the background. Gosh. Love this song.

6. Say Back Something – Tapes ‘n Tapes
This song always makes me want to cry a little… it’s tugs at my heartstrings every time. Besides the obvious, I can’t really explain why. My favourite lines are when it goes “when you say come back/why don’t you mean it in the morning?” and “say back something/why can’t you look me in the eyes?”, ahhhhhhhhhh.

7. The Thief – Secret Knives
I used to be so hooked on the EP that this song is from. I think they came up (from Wellington) to play shows in Auckland a while back but I wasn’t very onto it, and still haven’t gotten around to hearing their album. I think that might largely be contributed to laziness, rather than the “averaaage” review that someone once gave me. Either way, oh this song and this EP makes me so so sooo nostalgic for 2009. It’s one of the songs that just instantly take me back to 7th form, whether that’s a good thing or not.

8. 2010 – The Mint Chicks
Couldn’t find a better link, but skip like the first little bit unless you’re watching the video because the song doesn’t kick in for a little while. I had this song on a limited edition white vinyl that they had at their “farewell tour” thing a few years back, but a friend of mine kindly left it in my car and it melted in the summer sun and heat – I’m still bummed out about this because I liked that version better than the album version. Oh well.

9. Life Will Get Better Some Day – The Mint Chicks
My “other favourite” track from their Screens album.

I’ve had a really crazy couple of days this weekend and I’m too tired and touchy to talk about it. However, I’d have to say that I’m very proud of myself for pulling off cooking risotto and steak for ten people, as part of a kind-of-surprise birthday dinner that we organised for my friend Cara. And boy is right hand tired from all that bloody stirring! I’ll probably post photos from that later on.

Something from the boy:

The taste of life I can’t describe, It’s choking on my mind

Thank you, for all your kind words. It’s definitely helped a little, towards feeling somewhat less isolated. I’ve been quiet for a week, joined at the hip to the boy, ever since his last exam last Tuesday. We’ve done so much (and arguably very little…) this past week, I simply don’t know where the time has slipped away to. In this week we’ve watched a lot of films, a lot of Boston Legal, ate and drank too much; but I think the two most significant events were going to a cinema together for the first time, and SEEING PORTISHEAD.

I know, I’ve rattled on about my excitement for Portishead in virtually every blog post for the past couple of months. And it wasn’t unjustified. They completely blew my mind. Beth is so, so, so goddamn amazing. The main letdown for me was the crowd. I need to stop wasting my time getting angry and bitching about the crowd, but let me just say this – they were more disinterested than teenagers at a classical concert! The boy and I were pretty much the only people singing along and getting really into it – and we kept getting told off for enjoying ourselves! That pissed me off so much. I only have crappy photos (below) because I was too busy singing/dancing/crying/laughing/snogging and oh yeah – arguing with the arseholes in front of me – to be taking photos, but I do have several videos that have rather good sound quality that I’m really happy to have. I used up 4GB on my little Canon point-and-shoot, just mostly from taking videos. Even on the videos the sound quality is so good that it sounds like it could’ve come off their live album. As I said – Beth was fucking amazing. I still can’t get over that. Just her voice, her execution, her tone. Oh, I’m dying of admiration. And I’m not even a vocalist – but I love her voice and appreciate her singing abilities that much. The other thing about the videos is that you can hear the crowd around us fucking chatting. I mean – are you serious? 1/ YOU’RE AT PORTISHEAD. 2/ It cost a hundred bucks. 3/ IT’S FUCKING PORTISHEAD!!! People are crazy, stupid, retarded… and largely inconsiderate!

I think the main thing I have trouble dealing with, asides from the arseholes, is the fact that the concert felt so disconnected. Yes, it was amazing. Yes, it blew my mind. And I know concerts of your favourite bands always feel so much shorter and time flies – but their set was over an hour (I’ve made a playlist out of their setlist), and yet it was such a seamless blur. Not just to me, but to the boy also. Sure, we were quite under the influence of many rum & cokes, beer and the odd vodka concoction – but we weren’t thaaat intoxicated, we were fully onto it and aware of everything… and yet there is this huge disconnect. As in, I felt like I was watching a video, even though I was singing along and could feel the bass vibrate all around and everything was so real… but really, moreso surreal. It’s the craziest feeling. I’ve been blown away by many bands in my time, but nothing has ever felt close to this. The crazy thing is that, I would totally believe it if somebody told me that it didn’t really happen – that I WAS just watching a video. That’s how surreal it all feels to me. And surprisingly, to the boy also. Sorry for being repetitive. It’s just so fucking weird that I can’t stop saying that! But walking out of Portishead is probably the saddest thing that’s happened all week. That’s happened in a long time.

So, some photos. There aren’t any of the boy and I that are, ahem, PG… that’s why they’re not on here. Yerr. The photographer in me is just dying of embarrassment and “oh my god I neeed a media pass to get my cameraz in”-ness, but here is proof:

Tickets

Euan, Gina and I (we had no idea where they went after a while, they were on the opposite side)

Oh Beth. How she spends the majority of songs standing like that, because of all the spaaaaarse space in the music. Even so. Amazing stage presence.

The second saddest thing that happened all week was saying goodbye to the boy this evening. He starts work at a prominent law firm as a summer clerk tomorrow (for obvious reasons I’m not naming anything here), which meant he had to go home and get his shit together. Aka – iron his shirt. Apparently French cuffs are hard to iron. As I’d said – he should’ve just taken me home with him, but y’know, can’t win them all.

A photo of us, each. I took this photo of him trimming our hedge for us, from my bedroom window. I like how voyeuristic it looks, ha.

He took this photo of me when I was waiting for my turn at pool. I seriously suck these days. This is my “pretend I am totally pulling my weight in this pool-playing partnership” face. We were at his friend’s 22nd birthday dinner, and her house is oh-so-very amazing. Indoor swimming pool? Yes please. Unfortunately we didn’t get to utilise that. But the lights in it were super romantic-looking at night.

And oh yeah, so apparently in addition to Taiwan and Hong Kong, I’m also now going to be spending a week out of my Taiwan-time in China instead. Going with my dad on his business trip. Now I have to re-shuffle all my plans… and work out how to access Gmail over there. I am a chronic email-checker. Gmail is ALWAYS open on the first tab of my Firefox, you see… crap. Lots of rolls of film to be taken of course!

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