I had a really ghastly day today, one of the worst so far this year. It’s only the 2nd week back at uni and already I am so stressed out I think I’m going to snap. It’s largely the inter-people problems that have me baffled the most – it’s such a small department you don’t want to piss anyone off, but what happens when someone really pisses you off?!! I’ll cut myself short there before I start an endless rant about everything which will only send me to bed more wound up.
Instead, I’ll recommend something: BookDepository.co.uk. Not only do they ship for free internationally, but they also do a really sweet deal. I managed to get my Real Book within a week of ordering it, and at only a fraction of the price of what other websites or local bookstores can offer me.
Also, I dug up some very old photos from hockey tournament back in 2008. Here are three lovely view from our hotel room at Surfer’s Paradise on the Gold Coast that I wish I could be brought back to…
And that’s just the river side of things.
I’ve realised that I really need to set down a date for sometime in term break, where I will indulge in something awesome… some sort of exciting event that I can look forward to. I think I would be much more motivated during the next 4 remaining weeks of the first half of semester one, if I could find something to work towards and be really excited and enthusiastic about. Also, I’m seeing MGMT in a week’s time; and I know that it sounds awful, but I don’t have a tendency to work myself up and get excited towards gigs, so I am and will be feeling pretty blasé until it actually happens. Is anything life-changingly awesome happening in 4 weeks’ time?
In the meantime, late night scribbles concocted seconds ago:
We’re missing, messing everything
In the moment
nothing can slow us down.
We’re kissing, caressing every
Moment
nothing will draw a frown.
and in those heartbeats
where we sharply inhale
with half held breath
as if pausing could freeze
perfection forever.
We’re young, for now, only
for a moment
until the sun comes round.
We’re reunited, requited,
and in you
my heart was found.
I’ve been feeling like a bit of a social-grandma since uni has officially started once again, and I’ve been having quiet nights in like a normal person. Maybe I just used to party too hard “when I was younger”, and thus anything short of going out all the time seems like a reclusive thing to do. Being part of the jazz department, my classes and timetable are still not 100% confirmed yet, and it’s an annoying, growing source of stress. Ironic how everyone else loves the “first week back because it’s so relaxed”, yet I knew mine wouldn’t be, and it hasn’t been indeed.
Highlight of my first week back at uni was getting to see Jack DeJohnetteon Friday, where he did a public workshop and a Q&A session. I managed to get a photo with him, but it’s very unflattering so I’m not going to post it here, haha.
The week’s main event on the menu, however, was the boy’s 21st birthday party last night. I didn’t take that many photos because I couldn’t be bothered carrying my camera around, so it was abandoned in his room in the company of the dog for hours instead. Although I must admit that most of the following photos were taken whilst I wasn’t on the sober side of things, so nothing is particularly amazing, from a photographic standpoint. But who cares – it was an amazing night for all involved, and that’s what matters more.
Photos from last night:
Inhaling helium is so much
Less
effective when
no longer so
Young
with Party-glazed eyes I scanned the room
and the source of
Contrast
is
Him.
Louder than high,
our voices
the word She
Repeated, repeated. Repeated.
and then again.
and when his speech
Acknowledged me and the
Whole.
Room.
Turned.
my cheeks flushed a pink
more rouge than my new lipstick
which we then shared.
Dim.
the romance of candlelit corners
and ferry-lit seams of the room.
Effortless,
he extinguished the flames which
we are taught, represents the years, his years. We’re not supposed to count the years but make the years count – and yet, who isn’t counting?
/// /// /// // // /// /////
By this point in time I
was no longer aware of much else
and was facing completely the
Wrong way.
But it was funny to see things from
the cramped corner, in which I had to blow out a candle
just to stand in.
It’s obvious just how unusual last night was for me, from the sheer fact that I even forgot to have some cake.
This picture was just too… uhh yeaaah… to not put up.
I didn’t take either of the following pictures, but it seems that the men of that household are both capable of making me look nice in a photograph. Something I don’t say often. At all.
Today was the first day of my 2nd year at university. When I woke up naturally at 7.46am, my first thought was, oh no, how long have I overslept for?! But luckily for once that was not the case. I still can’t believe I woke up a quarter of an hour before my alarm! And I can’t believe how fast the past four months of summer holidays has just slipped away. It seems barely last week when I was jumping on the $999/return deal to fly to LA, and it feels barely yesterday that I was power-walking through San Francisco and riding on cable cars. Yet, at the same time it feels like an entire lifetime away. I think I’ve had four main distinctive phases this summer:
1/ November: California lovin’
2/ December: late nights, dashes in and out of everywhere
3/ January: wishy washy old self, dreaming of all the possibilities and living my life through daydreams and the internet
4/ February: actual lovin’, every day blurs into the next in the HOT HOT HEAT of summer, wishing I could rewind or fast forward time
I guess time truly flies when you’re having fun, huh.
Here are some (sorry, but shitty… it wasn’t my camera and it took a long time to work out how to 1/ get it out of black and white mode; 2/ get out of manual point-and-shoot mode; 3/ take an okay picture) pictures from Friday night, pizzas made from scratch, grâce à l’ami petit:
Rum & Pepsi, my phone getting charged, CC & dry
Tomatoes courtesy of his backyard.
Pre-Basil.
Note to anyone else who also likes sniffing boys books: acquaint yourself with a boy who has a vast book collection.
I spent an hour in a queue at university in order to obtain a Maxx sticker, which is what entitles me and my student ID to a discount when buying ferry tickets. For half an hour of this, my parking was expired and I was panicking over whether or not I was going to get a parking ticket. Luckily not, but you’d think that the major university in the biggest city of this country would have more than two people on computers sussing out timetables and enrollment qualification business!
In addition to this, currently on my timetable for the year, I have jazz combo on Wednesday night… at 8-10pm. Now… whilst that time is completely acceptable for when we have recital assessments, but on a weekly basis?! Gaaah! Especially when I had been hoping to play hockey this season, I really don’t know how everything is going to work. I’m not a happy chappy about my combo, but I meet them tomorrow, so we’ll see what happens, I guess.
Completely irrelevantly, I’ve had a draft post sitting in WordPress for the past week or so, but I just never got around to writing it properly. Too much food consumption. Chocolate. More Chocolate. Yes, it deserves capitalisation, that’s how much I love Chocolate. Going to sleep with Blonde Redhead, a Radiohead play list or The Raveonettes on repeat all night. Waking up reluctantly to wine and dine and do it all over again.
I don’t know when I’ll ever be able to use the local dialect for petit ami. That is, without feeling like I’m saying “cunt” in my mother’s presence or something to that effect. I’m a person of extremes, I know. I also know that I’m going to get a blister or two this week (already developing), and that I will start posting sporadic, spontaneous shit on here. Weekly wish list? Oh, yes please.
*I wrote this entry, and then wished that I had written it from the bottom upwards. But it’s 2.36am so I can’t be bothered with rearranging and editing so that it still makes sense… just scroll and scroll and scroll… at least it gets happier as my thoughts run on?*
Yesterday my younger sister departed Auckland after 3 weeks of holidaying back home with us, and I really, really miss her already. The airport was in a state of chaos yesterday – I know most airports are, but the hectic state in which the Auckland International Airport was in yesterday, was above and beyond anything I’d ever seen in NZ before. Firstly, it took us forever to find a spot to park our car , almost akin to that of shopping malls in the pre-Christmas rush. This never happens here! We had admittedly gotten to the airport on the late rather than earlier side of things, but still well on time… except somehow the queue dragged and dragged, and eventually we were told that some system required for travelers to the states was down, and things had to get authorised by the US first, before they were allowed to manually enter something or another. After over two hours of hovering around, Liv finally managed to check in – officially the last person to do so… well after her “last boarding call” as well as flight time! Obviously the plane would have been delayed by then, in order for her to board, but the announcements of gate closure and the whole “final boarding call” thing really didn’t help us with our stress. But funnily enough (and I love her for this), Liv’s biggest concern for mum and I was the rate at which our expensive airport parking was ticking up at. It was evidently the least of our concerns by then!
I’ve always hated airports, except when I’m picking up someone. Because, frankly, who likes to see loved ones depart, regardless of the reason? And if they’re not a loved one, then I certainly wouldn’t be seeing them off an an airport, unless I was doing a favour to someone by dropping them off. It took every mature ounce of self control in me that I could muster yesterday to not let tears roll down my cheeks – after all, Liv is simply going back to Malibu to resume her study and golfing, but I couldn’t help but feel left behind – like I’m missing out on precious sister time with her whilst we’re still young. It certainly wasn’t easy the first time round when she first left in August, but it hasn’t gotten any easier now, seeing her off for her second semester
I wonder if saying goodbye to people gets easier for anyone else?
Goodbyes are my biggest weakness. In mandarin, “goodbye” is translated literally as “again” and “meet”; so my grandma has always said if there was no parting, there wouldn’t be the joy of reunion. In a way, this is perhaps the only thing that keeps me afloat when I think I can’t handle saying goodbye. Writing this now just makes me miss not only my sister but my grandma. I wish I could put into words all the things I’d like to say to her. She was such an influence on me as a young child, and I know a lot of is has carried over – such as my love of words, reading, writing, literature in general, and quotes and the art of chinese proverbs (which I really need to work on). Perhaps a story and tangent for another day…
Here’s a song that Liv and I have been listening to repeatedly for the last day she was here: “West Coast” by Coconut Records. The lyrics are oh-so-appropriate, and the song is really cute:
For a second there i thought you disappeared
It rains a lot this time of year
And we both go together if one falls down
I talk out loud like you’re still around
And i miss you
I’m going back home to the west coast
I wish you woulda put yourself in my suitcase
I love you
Standin all alone in a black coat
I miss you
I’m goin back home to the west coast
The bright side to this entry is the fact that I’ve finally gotten my developed films back! I took a couple of rolls of Ilford black and white film in LA and San Francisco, and I’ve uploaded them all to my photography site, so click here for the full set. Seeing these just makes me 1/ really, really want to go traveling again; 2/ not regret having killed my left shoulder by carrying a fiml slr as well as a dslr around everywhere in a bag; 3/ miss using b/w film, and wish that film development wasn’t such a hassle (I had these mailed back to Taiwan for processing as it was far, far, far cheaper, even with postage fees). Here are some of my personal favourites:
I remember how excited I was on the plane when I took this… and how I wondered as to how good this photo, and the trip would turn out to be.
Powell Street in San Francisco, at the bottom of one of the cable car lines. I love love LOVE this city.
How amazing is this music store?! It was completely filled with 2nd hand music equipment. Found in North Beach.
Golden Gate Bridge, of course. With an Amanda-spin.
Under the in famous bridge.
It took me ages to get this shot – I had to time it so that the people all around me all sat down or ducked down at the same time!
View from inside the cable car.
Palace of Fine Arts.
Post office in Hollywood.
Window of Urban Outfitters, Cahuenga Blvd.
On the way up to the Getty Centre.
Getty Centre after dark with long shutter exposure. No one dared to walk in front of me and my camera – I had to ask them to please proceed!
I admittedly stalked down a few (hopefully unsuspecting) people to get some photos…
Like this.
Self portrait in a series of mirrors at the souvenir store. It’s also my first facebook profile picture change in a year!
Oh yeah, before I forget, one nice thing came of the long and arduous wait in the airport check-in queues – we passed a lot of the time chatting to a cellist who studies in Lansing, Michigan. The guy was super nice and relatable to talk to (not to mention a bit cute, shhh); turns out he’s actually pretty amazing, according to not only the internet, but youtube results. I’d always said… in another life, if I were to be a classical musician, I would totally pick the cello.
So cheers to yet another chance encounter with someone who shone a bit of light on my day and also a little on my dreams. Sometimes it’s nice to have the world seem a little smaller.
“By the time a person has achieved years adequate for choosing a direction, the die is cast and the moment has long since passed which determined the future.” – Zelda Fitzgerald
I think it’s safe to say that I certainly do not live my life in a very safe manner. Wait, that sentence just sounded retarded. But it makes perfect literal sense in terms of what I’m saying. It’s true – I take a lot of risks, some calculated, but more often than not, I ignore such “calculations” and stick with what I want to do/think I should do/think I can get away with. The latter which sounds absolutely terrible, although thus far I have turned out quite “alright”. Point is, I wholeheartedly agree with the above quote, and I am living my life and making my “big decisions” as I see fit – not in the most “sensible” and “safe” manner at all. Instead, doing what I think will lead to where I’d like to be. I think that if I can’t dream big and try to fly towards such dreams up in the clouds at age 19, then there will be no more-appropriate time to do so.
I’m beyond grateful and appreciative towards my parents’ encouragement and support of me, even in times when they disagree with my decisions; I know there are many, many parents out there who simply do not provide such freedom and constant support towards their children. I’ve noticed (and mum’s also told me) that people are either in positive awe of how brilliant it is, or in absolute shock and horror towards my parents with regards to the fact that my sister and I pursue such “unconventional” pathways – and all with their full backing and support! Other parents that my family knows have either high-5’d us for sticking to our guns and going for it, or have taken it upon themselves to try and convince me that music is a stupid course of study that will lead to nowhere, and no career. They’d list all the reasons why I should study law or whatever instead (this is back at high school when I hadn’t decided on my university degree yet), and how I should just keep music as a hobby, etc. It’s as if the decision is so fucking obvious that only an outright idiot would choose otherwise. Even though I am always polite and try to deflect and then divert such conversations, it always maddens me, right to the very core. I just want to say who the hell do you think you are?! Don’t treat me like a fucking idiot; you say that as if I hadn’t thought of all of the above already, etc. Anyway, I don’t even know how that train of thought got here, because then I got distracted and have been reading something completely irrelevant for the past half an hour. Point is, I’m glad I still have a lot of things that I look forward to, because of the path I’ve chosen. Rather than having chosen one which I dread to face the end of.
Yesterday, with just a towel-bag of essentials, I set off for a very long drive out to a friend’s family house, south-west of mine. The weather hovered from very cloudy, sunny, and then cloudy, spitting rain, sunny, then back to the clouds and eventually decent rainfall. Photographically equipped with only a Canon point-and-shoot in the back pocket of my denim cut-offs, I didn’t take that many photos. The countryside experience is more about the intertwined smell of freshness, cow dung and grass in the air, the bugs that crawl on you, and the thorns, sand and mud on your feet. All in all it made for an interesting day – most certainly a very adventurous drive as I wasn’t quite sure where I was going to end up – with great company, great conversation, great food and great fun. In other words, a bloody great day:
