won’t you be my dictionary, won’t you translate fun into something necessary – inter uni sun. won’t you be my dictionary, can’t I be very necessary?

March 27, 2012

Trying to be realistic about time management is not going well at the moment. I’m trying to do my readings but all I’d rather do is blog. I have a couple of ideas and tangents I’ve been wanting to blog about for quite some time, but I just don’t have the time to do it right now, because it needs effort in order to sound coherent. It’s about the idea of “average”. But I shan’t dwell on it now.

This week’s felt so long and it’s only Tuesday night – how will I make it to Friday? And next Friday? Well that’s three tests, two assignments and a recital’s time away. Prioritising uni work is something I’ve never been good at, so I’m still attempting to make it work out. How is one supposed to resist the pull of the internet and self expression at large? The other night instead of sleeping I started writing and writing poetry, until I fell asleep with it in my hands. Then I continued to write later that day, between classes; observations, theories I’ve been wondering about, ideas, more ideas. And all the while I felt guilty because I wasn’t writing something more academic instead. So what have I done since? I left my special writing-notebook at home. It’s like self torture!

Taken on Ilford HP5 Plus 400 B/W film; Nikon F3.

I also have a huuge urge to take more rolls of black and white film, of undisclosed subjects, but I’ve still got about ten exposures left in my camera on a roll of colour reversal film, argh. I’ve got other film slr’s that I can use, but I’m very attached to my Nikon and the Contax RTS is a hefty mean machine that needs lots of batteries for some reason. Also, posting this photo finally makes me want to write about all of our December/January travels overseas – but now that I finally feel ready to do it, I don’t have time! It will be Easter break by next Friday though, so hopefully the written journey will begin there. Until then… I guess I shan’t really get to quench my thirst of multi-dimensional self expression, since I am trying for the first time in my life to achieve very specific grades. Grades. I hate that. I’ve never tried before. What happens if I psych myself out? Wish me luck.

Something I read on Julia’s blog that rang too true for me:

“Being unnoticed, and being watched,
both frighten me.”

the sun is sinking awfully fast, can we make it last? we’ll make a family in the quiet country – you and me, in simplicity

March 15, 2012

Today feels like good-news day (apart from all the uni work I have to do tonight…) because I woke up to find a txt telling me that I’ve made the hockey team that I was trialling for, and now I’ve just gotten back from the gym where I’m on a personalised programme as of today, and I just feel great at the moment. I think that all the major decisions I’ve made about what I’m going to do this year and what direction I want to take myself in has been proving good for me. Doing the “final year” of my jazz performance degree part-time whilst embarking on the other degree I’ve always always aaalways wanted to do feels right and I’ve got no doubts about it thus far. Plus, I was right in thinking that giving myself a smaller music workload makes me more passionate and determined in it, because I’ve done a lot more practise and have tried a lot harder on the bass and in combo in general. Hopefully I can continue this and make it pay off… gah!

Since I’m in such a good mood, here are some more of the photos from the trip that the boy and I took to Hot Water Beach during the last week of our summer holidays, just over three weeks ago. There are more photos on another roll of film, but I haven’t finished it up yet, so haven’t gotten that developed. The highlight was definitely Cathedral Cove, and we didn’t actually end up digging a hole at Hot Water Beach because we couldn’t be bothered swarming around the area with tourists, so we ended up exploring the other end of the beach, and created our own form of athletics, as you shall see below… the memory of it still cracks me up, it was so much fun:

There was a black-beaked seagull that kept making a pitiful noise, so I decided to give it a bit of the crust off my sandwich. The boy had initially told me off for feeding it, but then he ended up feeding this particular seagull a lot more than I did, luring the cheeky bird closer and closer… until he was within touching distance, and the seagull kept squawking and talking to him, see! The magic thing was, when we retreated back to our cabin at the campsite that was 5 minutes down the road, we found the very same seagull waiting for us outside our cabin!!!

A good assortment of condiments, apple ale and wine.

The dorkiest I’ve ever seen him. But I didn’t put up an even dorkier photo… I must say it was mostly my fault, making him carry all our stuff in my old swimming bag. But it seemed justified – that bag’s a thick, waterproof and sturdy workhorse. Doesn’t the sea and its colours just look amazing?

Going to the deserted end of the beach.

Three guesses what I thought that was when I first spotted it. And so I saw my first blue bottle jellyfish, ever. It does look like a “bottle”. Ahem.

The game was… run on this ridiculously soft sand with no grip and resistance, and see if you can jump over that ridge. Our own beach version of the high jump, haha.

This looks silly, but not as silly as when I ended up with a mouthful of sand.

Reading with a rum and coke at the end of the day.

People on a kayak tour at one of the little beaches we walked to on the way to Cathedral Cove.

Cathedral Cove: where signs advise people not to enter due to falling rocks.

Urgh I have MAJOR hat hair after a long trek down to Cathedral Cove. And I knooow, this photo is hilarious. What happened was, I had asked the boy to get a picture of “me AND the cove”, but he heard “me IN the cove”… apparently he had initially lined the photo up to look like the one I had taken of him, but it ended up like this, haha. I literally burst out laughing with “WHAT THE!” when I saw this.

A German tourist took this for us.

It seems that animals really liked me on this trip because not only did the seagull greet us at our cabin, but this little cute dog, which looks like the one that belonged to a barbie doll that my sister and I used to have, followed me back to our cabin from the barbecue where we’d cooked sausages for dinner. I’m sure it just wanted some food, but it was sooo cute, following me everywhere! There’s a better photo of it on the other roll of film though, this was the 37th photo in a roll of film made for 36 exposures, so the camera ate it up just as the shutter went off, causing major blurring.

I really wished that we were back there again, lying on the beach with our books and swimming in the sea that was so beautifully clear. But I wonder where our next adventures will take us. And oh yeah, the day after our beautiful trip to Cathedral Cove, the weather turned awful and was pouring down with rain. For some reason we thought the best remedy was to climb Mt. Pauanui in the rain, and I’m glad it took us less than half of the prescribed 1.5hrs to get to the summit. The weather was so bad that we were up in the clouds and the view wasn’t the best, but hopefully I’ll get something out of it when I develop the other roll of film eventually!

has black hair, and who cares? well I do. You’ve got a lovely smile, I could spend a while with that smile. Would you hold my hand? I’m as cold as the snow If you said let’s go, I would follow.

March 2, 2012

Little over a week ago, this is where we were, frolicking in the sea, tumbling in the sand and spluttering out salt. This is where we were, when we befriended seagulls that stalked us to our two-night-home and learnt that pseudo high-jumping onto sand dunes was difficult if the sand was soft underfoot. This is where locals and tourists alike flocked to, and could you blame them?

Final summer getaway location – taken on Kodak UltraMax 400 colour film; nondescript Konica.

University just started this week, so it’s completely taken over everyone’s lives, once again. I can’t be bothered explaining the finer details, but I’ve taken up another degree, without the possibility of a conjoint arrangement, so as of Monday I’ve embarked on doing two full degrees, concurrently. I don’t know what you’re supposed to call it – some say a “double major”, but I think that just sounds like I’m doing two majors under one degree – regardless, I’m kind of freaking out. Although I think at the moment I am at a good place between optimistic confidence and nervousness over grades and all that, rather than being on the extremes of cockiness or absolute breakdown, so I will try to maintain a steady mindset. I must say, I really miss being a full-time hermit down at jazz school. To put things in context, jazz school is in a separate building from the School of Music (I’ve been a music student for 2 years and have never had a class in there until now!) and the rest of university altogether. Although it is only a few blocks and a hill down the road, it’s a very different atmosphere from the rest of university. And now I’m subjected to having to move around through crowds and crowds of people, feeling claustrophobic in a very full basement lecture room, and generally not enjoying how horrible some people are, without having to utter a single word. I know, I know, this is what university is supposed to be like, and I will indeed suck it up and get over it, but I just say to say woaaaah what a shock to the system, even though I knew it was coming! My final and main complaint is that I simply don’t understand how rude people are. More specifically (skipping over those people whose phones go off, chat in the doorway of a busy building, don’t move 50-50 out of the way so everyone can keep moving…), I hate the girls all over uni who just glare at people as if they’re pieces of shit. As if I’ve personally offended them by merely existing. The evil up-and-down, know what I’m talking about? It’s like the bitchy version of checking someone out. I am so over that shit, just get me to 2013 so I can be half-hermit again, please!

Anyway, I will put up the rest of last week’s photos from the same roll of film – I still can’t believe that it was merely last week! It feels like so, soo long ago. The good news about today is that now I’m officially a member at a 24-hour gym, which means I will have a more productive activity to help with those sleepless nights. Buuut the great news of today is that the boy and I have secured Radiohead tickets for their show here in November. It felt really surreal right after we managed to buy them online today (sold out in less than 5 minutes, no joke), but now it’s all worn off and I totally don’t feel it at all. Although I love Radiohead, I was never one of those fans that longed for them to come to New Zealand, nor did I ever join in on the rumour circuit, every time they did a tour; so when they finally announced a show in Auckland… well I still feel like, oh really? But it will be amazing. It will be the boy and I’s equivalent to seeing Portishead last November.

Pt 1: And it’s been a week too long, there were several things that I’ve been doing wrong. You see the time it takes for you, Is the time it takes for me

February 8, 2012

We’ve just had two long weekends in a row here in New Zealand – first it was Auckland Anniversary Weekend, during which we went to the Laneway festival (which I shall eventually get around to posting about, gah!), followed by this past Monday, which was Waitangi Day. Naturally, I’ve been trying to fit in as much fun as these last few weeks of summer holidays will offer me. I can’t lie, I’m not looking forward to university this year at all. Moreso than the average uni student, that is – because I’ve bitten off a lot for this year, and it will definitely be some kind of mental struggle with myself to stay on top of things right from the get go. Of course, next year will be much worse… but for now, let’s try and conquer 2012 first, right?

The boy and I were discussing personal goals we have for this year. That is, goals that are not academically related, and are, I suppose, meant to be more far-reaching into our lives and future in general. The only one he’s come up with at the moment is to read more – which is also one of mine, but to be honest it’s rather intimidating because he already reads far more than I do, especially since he doesn’t have as many time-consuming side-things like I do. Such as this blog. Anyway, obviously reading is something that I think is supremely important, but besides that, another one of my goals was to take this blog more seriously. Which isn’t going very well at the moment because real-life is first priority, but I intend on going back on things and definitely making posts on all the travels we did, and the other things I feel worthy of sharing and writing about in general.

So, onto the good stuff. I thought, screw writing about something from last month or last week, this is what I did this past weekend – we went and saw Dan Deacon play at Whammy Bar. Not my favourite venue, but we were pleasantly surprised at how well the venue actually worked out for Dan Deacon’s show, and the crowd plus the way he interacted with it was just amazing. Definitely one of the best and most fun shows that I’ve ever been to. I met the boy in town after he got off work and we had hours and hours before the concert started, so we just absolutely winged the evening and it was great. I’d wanted to shoot on film, so I ended up bringing our family’s old film point-and-shoot and carried it like a handbag slung over one shoulder. These are all the photos that we took that night, none were omitted. Each and every one of them are gems to me and truly reflect how we chose to spend and enjoy our evening as the sun finally fell and our alcohol purchases hiked in price. I’m no expert on such topics, but it’s during all these moments shown below and the infinite amount of undocumented ones that I finally seem to grasp the idea of being in a “relationship”. And all those fights and tears and past grudges and pride and all that shit just melts away and for a moment – or a touch longer, if you’re lucky to not be me – pure, untainted clarity presents itself and you can almost kid yourself that this is it, this is why I’m alive, I am so fucking loved. All you can see is your better half, their eyes, their gaze, whether reading your soul in that very moment as you are theirs, or even just glancing at the bottom of their pint, oblivious to your epiphany – everything just seems right, just feels meant to be: perfect. Or at least, as close to perfection as this world will ever deal you, and as “perfect” as you’d ever dare to ask for, really. And if not for these moments of utter happiness and raw, raw love, then why do we bother with anything?

And so, here is the happiest that a fat man has ever made us. I will definitely post a playlist including Dan Deacon soon!

The boy showing me where he sometimes eats his lunch at work. Like a bunny in headlights, he said.

Where we devoured a plate of wedges coated in cheese, bacon and a thick helping of sour cream. Delicious.

Knocking back a decent beer. Prime example of what close-range flash with an old film point-and-shoot camera does.

One of my favourite photos of myself. He should be proud of himself.

The feijoa cider was sold out but we found out that the Wine Cellar also does a yummy feijoa (and other flavoured) liqueur. For $25 we bought a whole bottle and mixed it with soda water and ice ourselves.

Shithole.

Dan Deacon setting up.

And starting up.

Then all hell broke loose.

He instructed that a circle was to be formed, which definitely resembled a circle of death, but luckily he also had quirky on instructions as to how to get the whole room dancing.

We were greeted with this after our return from the bathroom. It looks like they’re praying, does it not?

The boy’s proudest achievement of the evening (other than going home with me of course… ahem).

Knackered. He bought me a frozen coke from McD’s and my shirt stunk like everybody else’s sweat. We sat in the lobby of his workplace for a bit and I waited for him to go upstairs to fetch his stuff.

Now it’s off to bed to continue reading Game of Thrones. Need to finish it so the boy can borrow it, ha.

Nights I spend alone, I spend ’em runnin round lookin for you, baby. Lookin’ for love. Cause there’s something that I get from myself, And there’s something that you give to me. And if I’ve got one without the other, Then it’s not enough to be – I need your love

January 27, 2012

My blogging absence has been shocking. In all fairness though, I’ve had my grandparents, aunty, uncle and three cousins visit us from Taiwan for Chinese New Years, so most afternoons (once I wake up, haha) and evenings are spent entertaining the little ones, and letting them follow me around. As of today, my aunt and uncle have gone back to work overseas, but the rest are still here until the 2nd. Good news is, I’ve started (too slowly) working on a new theme for this blog because words cannot express how sick of its appearance I am!

But I really wanted to make a post before the month was out, and most importantly, because I have a big four days ahead of me. Monday is the Laneway Festival, and the boy and I couldn’t be more excited. We’re also really disappointed with the unfriendly timetable, and so a lot of sacrifices will have to be made on the day… I just don’t understand – why would they overlap Washed Out and Toro Y Moi?! And Twin Shadow. But especially the first two – they’re the same genre, and if you like one, then you pretty much will definitely like the other. Why couldn’t Feist or someone else (and I’m going to get shot for saying this in public) who I couldn’t care any less about, clash with one of these more “minor” acts, so that the crowds would be shifted away? Haha. That’d be the day! So by the looks of it, I have to sacrifice seeing Twin Shadow and The Horrors, but luckily I’ve already seen and photographed the latter before. A quick search showsjust how much I’d been looking forward to Twin Shadow. Sigh.

The other really big deal is that the boy and I have our one-year-anniversary coming up. All of my friends have commented on how much looonger it seems that we’ve been together, and I’ve been surprised to hear a few “it’s only been almost a year?!”, although I guess we’d been a long time coming and are very, very close. And we both feel that it’s just flown past; but in all seriousness, I’m kind of freaking the fuck out. A year’s a really long time. To me, at least. To the both of us. We were never quite the “long term committed relationship” type – and in fact I hate that label, but I guess we’re not “just for now, goodbyeee in a coupla months”, so hmmfph, yeah. Just ask any guy who’s ever been in a room with me, and you’d know what a freakish, unplanned and unpredictable piece of nature this relationship has been for me. I’m terrible at relationships and I’m just plain terrible. But I’d like to keep thinking that my crazy antics and mental instability is made up my sheer awesomeness. We still haven’t made concrete plans yet, so that’s a bit annoying, but oh whatever, it goes with the spontaneous territory that I am.

I’m super sad and pissed off at myself because at dinner last night I accidentally opened the back of my camera up since I’d forgotten that I’d put a roll of film in there already. The only two black and white photos I’d taken were of the boy and the cat sleeping… my two main men were angled just right, so fucking magically… but now they are forever lost to the grave of exposed films. It’s doubly sad because the boy totally hates the idea of sleeping with my cat, so it was a rare accident that he was in such deep sleep and the cat had slept next to him, rather than tried to sleep on him. Argh!

And yes, the travel photos and stories will be coming soon… for now, some film photos from the end of 2011, right before I went overseas: