Yes, I know, I stole the title off a Radiohead song. I’m listening to their In Rainbows album whilst trying to write an essay for AS Music. No, that’s a lie, what I’m really doing is txting people, googling up relevant info yet still not knowing what to write for my essay, and now also blogging.

What I really want to say is that this weekend has been a major reality check for me. I keep having revelations and reality checks lately, but I think this weekend has been the biggest one of all. Nothing drastic has happened or anything, but it’s just the combination of conversations had, time spent, and things done that have really brought me to my epiphany. I did a lot of catching up with some my closest friends this weekend, both in person and a few on the phone, and it’s quite… well some might say alarming, but that might be a bit harsh, but it certainly is a bit sad although not exactly a surprise to me that every one of those dear friends are guys. I attempted – in vain – to get hold of my closest female counterpart, but Saturday she was playfighting with her boyfriend when I rang, and Sunday she was at his house; just lovely.

I feel borderline hypocritical over the situation because I’ve been known to go MIA in the past, but over the past year, especially as of late, I’ve tried my best to be there for everyone that’s always there for me. It’s just really frustrating at the moment because, even when I’ve had boyfriends in the past, I don’t completely ditch my friends for the boy, yet at the moment this is being done unto me. Then there are the friends with whom I’ve simply, unfortunately, drifted away from, and it’s really quite a pity; but the way that certain people treat me has become merely tolerable, so I’m really just biting my tongue, avoiding potentially volcanic confrontations. Trying to be the bigger person is so hard.

In addition to all the social and emotional chaos, my priorities are undergoing major shuffling lately. School and co-curricular activities have all but overtaken my life entirely – tomorrow I shall face a 6am start for hockey training at the Lloyd Elsmore turf, sacrifice my lunchtime for jazz combo, coach the U15s after school, straight back to Lloyd Elsmore for a game, then straight to a piano lesson – and that’s just the first weekday. Sufficient explanation for my neglected friends? I do feel bad. And I feel lonely. And I feel sick – as if months’ worth of an ear infection wasn’t bad enough, now I have a sinus infection.

Please come, December. And please, someone take me out for a good time.

Wow, I just renewed SI.net for the second time… it turns two this month. I can’t believe how quickly the past two years have just flown – this time two years ago I was still in junior uniform, being mistaken as the age that I am now; a year ago, I would definitely not have predicted the things that I ended up pursuing this year. I haven’t had a boyfriend in a year. I’m liking this; yet not.

The Senior Concert Band’s going on a tour down to Wellington for the National Concert Band festival this Thursday; I wish I didn’t feel so ill. My ears are going to kill me on the plane – they’re still infected and clogged.