Sat my AS European History exam today – hand/wrist/forearm’s extremely cramped out from my ridiculous amounts of swotting in the past couple of days as well as in the exam itself today. But my mind went soo blank and I left out all these key points and dates… but that explains my absence for the past couple of days. It just currently seems like my life is hanging in limbo – in the balance beween procrastinating, feeling guilty and finally studying.

Speaking of guilty though, my Mum was sent a letter to go in for jury selections and she got picked so now she’s spent much of this week stuck in a room with a bunch of people who might even have to stay overnight together tomorrow. Eck. Way to make our lives easier, karma.

Last night it was pouring and sounded like there was a massive storm brewing; there was lightning and thunder for about three hours straight, and when those ceased, so did the rain, for about half an hour. Then it all returned, but at about 5am the weather calmed again. And believe it or not, by 6am the sky was clear and it was sunny at 7am.

How do I know all this? Because I unintentionally pulled an all-nighter.

Caffeine and energy drinks have never had much of an effect on me, so I didn’t think twice when my friend Cara bought me a 440ml can of Hemp at 5pm yesterday – lo and behold, I remained awake until 9am this morning. Upon the realisation of why I wasn’t tired at all and was simply feeling dull and awake, I thought that I probably shouldn’t sleep at all – to avoid sleeping too much and not being able to sleep later… but I dropped dead asleep at about 9.30am and didn’t move until 5pm when I discovered it was late. Way too late. Oops.

Our AS Photography Preparatory boards (at least two) were due today, so it’s been a mad rush in the art department at school with all the Cambridge photography and design students fighting with the NCEA students over the computers and printers. Despite being on study leave, I have to go into school yesterday and today to finish my boards off – I could’ve finished yesterday, but I’d left my double-sided tape at home, so couldn’t stick my photos down. Lo and behold, all of my friends were in mad frenzies, and I felt proud to finally be the first one completed for a change since I decided to do digital instead, so I wouldn’t be in such a mad rush (I’d finished my coursework boards at the last minute during tournament week last term because I was the only one that still did dark room work, everyone else was doing digital). But instead of simply spending an hour at school sticking down my boards, I ended up spending almost six hours, hanging around, helping everyone else out – I was their printer runner, I sliced photos for them on the guillotine, helped them arrange their boards, gave them ideas, and even stuck down two whole boards for people… all on an empty stomach, having had no food or water all day… but it felt surprisingly good.

Although everyone was all “Omg I love you Amanda”, “you’re awesome, thank you soo much”, etc towards me, it’s not so much their verbal “thank you”s that really made me feel great – it was the feeling that I had vastly helped out people working at the last minute to meet a deadline – and I honestly wished that I had my own Amanda helping me along when I had once been in their desperate situation. Hmm, after so much bad luck and whatnot lately, hopefully this clears up some karma for me.

I learnt three very difficult, painful, and expensive lessons this year:

1/ Not making it in 1st XI the first time round: I misjudged the risk and danger of pushing the boundaries when it came to getting injured at Summer Hockey last summer – a girl from the opposition and I were busy battling it out on the sideline for the ball, she tripped me over, and then proceeded to fall on me, resulting in torn ligaments and whatnots in my right ankle – I had to sit out for two months which was basically the rest of pre-season trainings, weight sessions, etc. My ankle swelled to the extent that you couldnt see my ankle bone for weeks. It really wasn’t worth it.

2/ Not getting house captain: despite everything that was out of my control, some teachers’ best efforts, and other factors beyond my reach (such as our new house leader), and other people, plus all the warnings that I’d received from people saying that I’ll get sports captain because I’m the only one capable/aka no one else can; despite everything and everyone else, I forgot one thing that was in my control: being a great leader (ha, or politician, as ultimately all of this bullshit ended up being was politics) is about inspiring others – simply being better than the alternative is just not good enough.

3/ Not passing my grade 8 piano exam today. I know, I only sat it today, but I know that I failed – I screwed up every piece, every set of scales, broke down, hands shook, the works… I had so much going on this year, plus being sick all the time so missing lessons, plus overall just slacking a lot in general meant that I wasn’t prepared enough, early enough. I tried to superglue it all together at the last minute, but despite it being “superglue”, it didn’t have time to dry up and stick and stay intact.

Surprisingly, I haven’t completely fallen to pieces, even though the latter two occured in a short space of time. It’s probably because I still have too much on my plate right now to fall apart. But, somehow I know that I’ll be fine, and I’ve learnt my lesson. I’ll work harder, earlier, and keep my eye on the ball and the goal, and screw where the opposition is.

Last night we had a Leavers VS Returners game held at Lloyd Elsmore, where all the 7th formers who were obviously graduating (leaving) this year played against the rest of us (6th form and below). Most of the players involved were from either the 1st or 2nd XI hockey* teams, but us returners managed to snag the U15s goalie, as she’s probably going to have to step up to our premier team next year, since, frankly, we’ve got no one else.

We had three major challenges: firstly, we usually only ever play at night and in the winter (because, of course, hockey is a winter sport), except for during our two tournaments earlier this year – Southern Skies in Brisbane, and Federation Cup; but yesterday we had to play in the scorching afternoon sun, which is just too much for most of us, and after a few weeks off from the end of the season, our fitness had vastly dropped.  Our second challenge against the Returners was the fact that there were 8 Leavers from the 1st XI this year – not only do we ourselves have to fill their shoes next year, but we also have to incorporate players from lower teams to step up into the side for next year. But, our greatest challenge is to first beat, then somehow try our best to replace next year, our captain, Dani, who is not only in the U18 and U21 Auckland team, but also plays in the NHL (National Hockey League).

Although we held off the Leaver’s for most of the first half, and even gaining an early 1-0 lead, they soon got back at us in the second half and I think the final score was 3-1 to the Leavers. Most of their territory was gained by Dani, who we basically gave up chasing on the ever-drying turf** as she ripped through 5 tacklers. But at the end of the day (oh god, I’m sounding awfully cliche), I think we played better than anyone expected us to, and let the Leavers feel good about themselves… plus, it doesnt count for anything anyway, ha!

*by hockey I’m referring to field hockey, not ice hockey
**we play on water-based artificial turfs

Being hungrily disappointed at the fact that we’ve run out of Nutella for the first time without having a back-up jar in the back of the pantry this morning reminded me of just how much I love the stuff. My favourite way to eat it is spread on two pieces of white bread, eating all the crust around the edges first, then enjoying the square of white bread and hazelnut chocolate in the middle. I’ve been addicted to the stuff for almost ten years. It kinda serves as like a meal yet dessert at the same time, being substantial with bread, yet being sweet, thus replacing my morning melted-butter-on-warm-toast as breakfast (except for when we run out of fresh bread), but also making very good afternoon tea, or sometimes even supper, when I realise I’d accidentally skipped dinner.

Believe it or not, I’ve never tried a peanut butter sandwich. And not because I’m allergic to peanuts or anything, but simply because the idea of it has never appealed to me… my younger sister Liv, however, used to enjoy sandwiches with a huge wallop of nutella on one side, and peanut butter on the other… overkill, methinks.

Senior prize giving took place at school today and I realised at some point this morning that I’ve never ever sat with my form class (we keep the same “form class” for 5 years) at a prize giving before – I’ve always sat up the front by the stage in one school band or another. Although I’m not exactly missing out, it was was an intriguing tangent of thought from what Mum and I were discussing last night: how my version of “normal” is so much different to that of an average Joe or Jane’s at school – I was telling her how I was curious as to how their “everyday lives” were in comparison to mine, what with a lot of people being less busy with actual commitments and more occupied with their social lives… Anyway,  I’ve officially finished my last week of 6th form (year 12), which means, after all this exam fiasco between now and the end of November, I will only have one set of every college event to go through until I hit university. Wow.

But guess what I spent waaay too much time doing on the internet before I fell asleep each night? That’s right, watching TV shows on the internet. I have a strange love for the show Greek and I always missed it on TV (plus New Zealand airings are always a season late, grr), so I ignored the implications of losing my bandwidth, and have just started on the second season. It’s really annoying, but everytime I read a book or watch a movie or show that appeals to me, I immediately fall into the escapism trap of imagining, or wishing that the contents of such fiction were my life. Obviously there’s been the Harry Potter, Twilight, etc crazes (both of which were, and still are, extreme, might I add), but with books it’s always different when a movie version is released; but on the contrary, with a TV series, everything you see is everything you get – there’s not much room for the imagination – you don’t need to imagine the certain shade of brown a guy’s hair is, or the way that he’d look at someone, the actors are directed to portray it all to you, and for me, it’s basically like being transported into another world…

Maybe I’ll just keep dreaming that my Cappie will appear – he strikes an annoying resemblance of what “my type” of guy is – the hair!

Today = biggest denoument in the four years (out of five) of my college life. If not my whole life. I’d written an epic explanation titled “The Way It Is” based on the title of a song by The Strokes. But I kept it as a draft and will not publish it. The title is still the name of a song by The Strokes, however, but just very different. Bottom line = I didn’t get what I want, I can argue all I want and bitch and complain about how unfair it is, but I can’t be bothered anymore. Because next year I will outdo them all and then I will blog in triumph about finally getting the recognition that I deserve. I shall use this (first ever) rejection as motivation to prove to the person who used their authority and judged wrong that, she indeed was wrong, and I deserved it more – because I am the best all-rounder – and because I am the best all-rounder, I will go beyond my realms of being Sports Captain and outdo the cutural, academic and house captain (the latter of which is what I wanted) in all their areas of “expertise”. It frustrates me because everyone has convinced me that there is a huge chance that I got sports “because can you imagine them doing it?” or “no one else plays prem sports in our house”, etc.

I’d explain about the fucked up school system that we have, but why waste the breath, huh. (Note, I would’ve bitched about the stupid system just the same even if I did get it, because it’s done injustice not just for me next year, but for soo many others as well as people this year).

I will rise above, be the bigger person, get over myself and this bullshit, and believe like my mentors tell me, that I’m meant for bigger and better things.

And I can’t wait for the day to come when all this, which has consumed my life for so much of this year, will no longer be of any significance.

I want to know why burgers at McDonald’s here come in stupid cardboard boxes, instead of the lovely food-paper wraps that they used to come in, or like the ones at Burger King. Why, would they use more, thicker paper (card) to construct into stupid “burger boxes” with glossy-print exteriors that just get horribly greasy, and guess what – are terrible at keeping burgers intact! … that is, presuming that the burgers really were intact in the first place. Being home alone for a week with a food budget means that I’ve been spending way too much time out with my mates, especially around and after dinner time, during which we spend endless hours mucking around in supermarkets or unhealthy fast food stores.

As if simply having to:

1/ gather the contents of your “burger” together to put back in its bun;
2/ the above which gets your hands all greasy and covered in mayonnaise;
3/ deal with it all drop all over the tray/paper bag/table/or worse, on your jeans (yes, the boys have finally convinced me that those stains are indeed mayonnaise)

wasn’t bad enough, one has plenty of trouble trying to achieve any of the above due to being greeted with a mess of sliced lettuce upon the opening of such a stupid box; and simply wondering what part of ordering a “burger” was hard for the teenagers on minimum wage to understand. Scott angrily grumbled for a good half an hour about his most recent encounter at McDonald’s today, when he and Chris had decided to get “take-away” meals so they could eat whilst driving home. Both were annoyed to discover once they were safely belted in, that you couldn’t one-handedly eat a burger which didn’t quite qualify as a “burger” whilst driving. Their complaints of “Why don’t we just order a salad-in-a-box!” or “Now, I know those kids work at McD’s for a reason, but surely it can’t be that hard to put a burger together!” were followed by a discussion about how once you try to put all the ingredients back in the bun and attempt to squeeze it together, everything would simply squirt out the other end, and they sarcastically narrated the epic “burger squirt” battles that we could all have…

All joking aside though, why couldn’t they just go back to wrapping it all in paper?! Not only does it keep your burger intact, saves cardboard, but also prevents you from having to actually touch your food – because most people these days (myself included) don’t get around to pre-meal handwashing, as well as being able to avoid that annoying greasy feeling on your fingers that napkins on-the-go just won’t remove.