Left awake to the clocks, I think I’ve found you out

I’m not going to lie, I’ve got a couple of drafts half composed but never got around to finishing. As usual, my 2-week break has been fleeting, and in merely a couple days’ time I will be thrown back into the business end of the semester – and I am FREAKING OUT. And once again, I’ve been sidetracked since opening up this new draft and have completely forgotten what I was going to write about.

Okay, here’s something – my friend Takuma and I had a huuuge talk about everything and anything a while ago before he moved to New Orleans to attend Tulane. One of the things that we discussed (and I can’t remember where he had read or seen something about this) was the fact that, us people spend too much time thinking about life, about the past, present and future, rather than doing anything. So technically, based on this logic, me sitting here and typing away about this, is a waste of time, because I’m being far too introspective* and wasting time that could be better spent actually living rather than thinking about living. I see the merits of this view, but I can’t help but do it anyway. Can we really appreciate our lives if we never stop and pause to think how far we’ve come? But isn’t it a little self-destructive (yes, I’m taking the pessimistic route, I could have said hopeful, exciting instead) to then have to face the huge fear of the unknown future that stands before us? Or to contemplate how much work, effort, time and sweats we must invest before we reach our next intended goal/destination? Then again, based on the previous argument, should we maybe stop thinking about where we are going, altogether? And just be on our way?

But hold on, if we just lived on and on without ever thinking where we want our lives to lead us, does this mean we will live a more spontaneous, free-spirited and content life without stressing of “intended destinations” (because we all know things never go to plan, and roads crisscross more than we’d like)? Then again, where will the contentment and feeling of satisfaction, of achievement come from if we hadn’t aimed for anything in the first place? Is the plan to have no plan?

When people ask me what I am going to do for the rest of my life, or career – and trust me, as a music major they ask me quite often – I really am not quite sure what to say. Even to the closest of people, I don’t know how to explain to them that half the plan is to have no plan, just a general direction.

I was going to delve into this more but ended up going to bed after writing the above paragraph, since it was around 5am by then. A lot of things are ever-increasingly confusing me and bugging me, I wish it was all a bit more clear-cut. They say business and pleasure shouldn’t mix – well that’s not going to work for me.

Finally looked through some of the photos I took in Sydney back in June/July – I really love these two. The first is one of Liv in the corridor of the hotel; the latter is of Liv and Mum on a bridge over the motorway at night. I’m surprised I managed to do it at long last, but that photo is EXACTLY how I wanted it to look – with the original shot in the middle and the rest stretching out – kind of relating to what I mentioned in my last post, this is like, two moments in one moment.


  1. SJ September 9, 2010

    Such cool shots :)
    Yeah I know exactly what you mean with the whole, people asking us musicians what we plan to do with our degree.
    I guess it’s hard to say we make steady income as gigs aren’t predicable but I think it’s loving what we’re doing and meeting the right people that helps guide us through the journey.

  2. gem September 10, 2010

    Very cool shots!

    I wouldn’t worry about the contemplative vs. action modes of operating. You just have to do what you do. I am a very contemplative person. Lately it has bitten me in the arse. Which is why I am becoming more active. It ebbs and flows and you’ll go through times in life where one is better than the other. Neither one is right, nor wrong.

  3. Jen September 11, 2010

    I think one has to do everything in balance, in that you can’t just be introspective, or just keep living. Too much introspection is dangerous, I think, and very often ends on a negative note. But I think it’s okay to have no plan, as long as like you said, you have a direction. Heading in the right direction will open you up to the existence of a lot of opportunities you’d have been blinded to had you been single-mindedly focused on one plan.

  4. Felisa September 11, 2010

    Ahhh fuuuuuck. I might write a longer comment than your post :P
    I’m a very reflective person and I can point out a ton of reasons why taking the time to contemplate about life is a good thing (at least in my personal experience) but I’m also a big believer in doing what you preach. I have more to say but I’ll just be paraphrasing everything Emerson wrote about so read Emerson’s stuff!

    Probably in part because it makes me feel like I’m breaking free from ethnic traditions (of structure, putting a huge priority on monetary success, etc.) I’ve never felt much of a connection with, I’ve always aimed to be a free spirit… But while I definitely am in some ways, I’ve realized my need for the feeling of having a purpose. It’s not about keeping your eye on a goal but knowing that you’re not just floating around. I think it’s good to know that you’re neither just checking off a list of things you hate everyday to get to the finish line nor just drifting aimlessly waiting for collisions to break the boredom for just one second before you float away to nowhere again. Have somewhere where you want to get to but if you never get there, make sure you don’t regret the journey you took.

    I really love the second picture. It has a sense of movement… and urgency/immediacy. It’s kind of “loud” but not blaring because despite the effect that evokes the sense of urgency, there’s not much else to make the photo feel congested. BASICALLY I like it. I’m done talking now. Haha


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