Sometimes I spin around for days. This valid and logic motion is what keeps me from moving

I had a very interesting 21 hours during which I did nothing but indulge. Films, music, drinks, conversation and company. It felt like living at present was living in the past. I always think that company can make or break whatever it is that you’re doing. I could be listening to the same music, watching the same films, drinking the same thing, but if it’s with someone I find uninspiring and boring, or someone too inappropriately provocative and drama-bringing, then I just won’t have anywhere near as good of a time.

We watched Into the Wild, followed by An Education, both of which I’d like to delve into, maybe in a post a couple of days from now, because I don’t think it would do Into the Wild any justice for me to sleeplessly blog about it. One of my best friends, Takuma, is always raving about that film – quoting it, and referring to it when he’s feeling down or when he feels like life is out of perspective – so I’m happy to say that now I can finally discuss it with him at length. I just need to work out the time difference between here and New Orleans, and what his schedule this semester at Tulane is like. I hate how its such a mission to try to have a verbal rather than email interaction with such a close friend.I guess it makes us cherish what conversations we do manage to have with one another, but it’s also such a hassle!

Here are photos from November 13th, 2010 – the day I spent with my sister in Santa Monica, and later at a college party when I crashed at her dorm. I’m going to slowly post my photos from California over time… it might take a while… Also, I specifically picked out a bunch of photos that I’m in, because (as you may have noticed) I’m hardly ever in any of the photos I post, since I’m usually the one behind the camera – so it was nice to have my sister around for helping me provide visual proof of my wanderlust:


Santa Monica beach.


Bridge over the Pacific Coast Highway.


PCH.

Jandals and Doc Martens in hand, the sand was just sooo nice beneath my feet.

I didn’t realise that the life guard hut said “KEEP OFF” until after we took these photos and Liv decided to tell me…


Free towel came in very handy, thanks Pepperdine!

Liv being a silly cutey.

I freaking loved these dinosaurs! My expression in an earlier photo was pretty priceless… but it was really dark :/

3rd Blvd/Promenade.

Lunch! We really regretted picking a restaurant near were a guy was busking via means of smacking on drums as hard and fast as he could, for as long as possible…


REALLY GOOD STEAK SANDWICH. I was so full afterwards.

Me being very happy with my new $20 hat.

Did I mention? I FUCKING LOVE THESE DINOSAURS.

Impending sunset.


SUNSET!

Liv took these silhouette photos of me under my strict, strict instruction, yay.

I can never decide which I like better.


The good ol’ 534 bus we had to wait for.

Touristy photo at Liv’s school with the sign. She couldn’t fit the whole thing in but that’s okay… this was right before we had to hike up a bloody steep and HUGE hill…

Going oooouuuutttt!

My first American college party experience. It was hilarious to say the least: “THE COPS ARE HERE! GET INSIDE!” vs. “THE COPS ARE HERE, GET OUTSIDE TO THE BACKYARD BY THE POOL!” – uhh sorry, everyone’s wasted, which is the correct set of instructions? To leave, it turned out.

Beeer pong!

Also, after last night and today’s marathon listening, I still, still can’t stop listening to the band Blonde Redhead – their discography is so big that I wouldn’t even know where to begin my recommendations to post a youtube link of. As Daniel and I were saying, they’re such a good band to escape into, akin to My Bloody Valentine; but the upside is that with such a large body of work, you never have to repeat just the one album, as you would do with MBV’s Loveless.

And, the way, they make, you toe the line. I’ll sever my ties. Oh I’m so clever, You’re so clever, but you’re not very nice

Double exposure. I always forget to try it out when I have my film slr with me, but instead only remember when I have a dslr. I ‘ve never really been into the photoshopped overlays out there that try to create the double exposure effect, nor have I really tried to photoshop one before. It just seems slightly less interesting that the “real thing”. There’s a London photographer who I’ve been inspired by for years and years now, and she does a lot of film work as well as messing with double exposures and good old fashioned filters. Anyway, I took these a year ago one night in my room when I got really bored, and they were on the films from California in the last post that had just gotten developed. Nonsensical, pointless stuff, but it was pretty fun at the time. As you can see, I kinda fucked it up at one point, and whoever processed the film and scanned it didn’t make it any better, haha.

Two nights, three of the same people, aren’t we just such moronic funsters… We found a friend’s car on the side of the road and the other two decided it would be fun to leave the poor bloke a little note. I hope nothing happened to his car though, because he left his amp in plain view in the backseat! Also, last picture on the bottom right – isn’t that just such a cute little door knocker? Evenings with shenanigans that I prefer as memories.

My sleeping is messed up, and I don’t ever want to sleep. Yet once I am sleeping, I don’t ever want to wake. The days are too hot and short, and I need to get more things done. I have this weird obsession of constantly having to express myself either in a musical, photographic or written form… but the problem with that is, those things take time, which equates to less time to live out such things which I then regurgitate creatively. Can time please pause when I practise the bass? Or when I want to sit down to either read or write a book? I keep having to try and shove negative thoughts and emotions out of the way, keep having to try and stop wasting time being upset at things and people who aren’t even aware that I’m upset over. And right now, I am holding off eating dinner until I click “Publish” on this post. My life is an endless battle against the current of fast-flowing time. Don’t even let me make a flooding metaphor right now, it would be globally inappropriate, currently.

I’m goin back home to the west coast, I wish you woulda put yourself in my suitcase

*I wrote this entry, and then wished that I had written it from the bottom upwards. But it’s 2.36am so I can’t be bothered with rearranging and editing so that it still makes sense… just scroll and scroll and scroll… at least it gets happier as my thoughts run on?*

Yesterday my younger sister departed Auckland after 3 weeks of holidaying back home with us, and I really, really miss her already. The airport was in a state of chaos yesterday – I know most airports are, but the hectic state in which the Auckland International Airport was in yesterday, was above and beyond anything I’d ever seen in NZ before. Firstly, it took us forever to find a spot to park our car , almost akin to that of shopping malls in the pre-Christmas rush. This never happens here! We had admittedly gotten to the airport on the late rather than earlier side of things, but still well on time… except somehow the queue dragged and dragged, and eventually we were told that some system required for travelers to the states was down, and things had to get authorised by the US first, before they were allowed to manually enter something or another. After over two hours of hovering around, Liv finally managed to check in – officially the last person to do so… well after her “last boarding call” as well as flight time! Obviously the plane would have been delayed by then, in order for her to board, but the announcements of gate closure and the whole “final boarding call” thing really didn’t help us with our stress. But funnily enough (and I love her for this), Liv’s biggest concern for mum and I was the rate at which our expensive airport parking was ticking up at. It was evidently the least of our concerns by then!

I’ve always hated airports, except when I’m picking up someone. Because, frankly, who likes to see loved ones depart, regardless of the reason? And if they’re not a loved one, then I certainly wouldn’t be seeing them off an an airport, unless I was doing a favour to someone by dropping them off. It took every mature ounce of self control in me that I could muster yesterday to not let tears roll down my cheeks – after all, Liv is simply going back to Malibu to resume her study and golfing, but I couldn’t help but feel left behind – like I’m missing out on precious sister time with her whilst we’re still young. It certainly wasn’t easy the first time round when she first left in August, but it hasn’t gotten any easier now, seeing her off for her second semester

I wonder if saying goodbye to people gets easier for anyone else?

Goodbyes are my biggest weakness. In mandarin, “goodbye” is translated literally as “again” and “meet”; so my grandma has always said if there was no parting, there wouldn’t be the joy of reunion. In a way, this is perhaps the only thing that keeps me afloat when I think I can’t handle saying goodbye. Writing this now just makes me miss not only my sister but my grandma. I wish I could put into words all the things I’d like to say to her. She was such an influence on me as a young child, and I know a lot of is has carried over – such as my love of words, reading, writing, literature in general, and quotes and the art of chinese proverbs (which I really need to work on). Perhaps a story and tangent for another day…

Here’s a song that Liv and I have been listening to repeatedly for the last day she was here: “West Coast” by Coconut Records. The lyrics are oh-so-appropriate, and the song is really cute:

For a second there i thought you disappeared
It rains a lot this time of year
And we both go together if one falls down
I talk out loud like you’re still around
And i miss you
I’m going back home to the west coast
I wish you woulda put yourself in my suitcase
I love you
Standin all alone in a black coat
I miss you
I’m goin back home to the west coast

The bright side to this entry is the fact that I’ve finally gotten my developed films back! I took a couple of rolls of Ilford black and white film in LA and San Francisco, and I’ve uploaded them all to my photography site, so click here for the full set. Seeing these just makes me 1/ really, really want to go traveling again; 2/ not regret having killed my left shoulder by carrying a fiml slr as well as a dslr around everywhere in a bag; 3/ miss using b/w film, and wish that film development wasn’t such a hassle (I had these mailed back to Taiwan for processing as it was far, far, far cheaper, even with postage fees).  Here are some of my personal favourites:

I remember how excited I was on the plane when I took this… and how I wondered as to how good this photo, and the trip would turn out to be.

Powell Street in San Francisco, at the bottom of one of the cable car lines. I love love LOVE this city.

How amazing is this music store?! It was completely filled with 2nd hand music equipment. Found in North Beach.

Golden Gate Bridge, of course. With an Amanda-spin.

Under the in famous bridge.

It took me ages to get this shot – I had to time it so that the people all around me all sat down or ducked down at the same time!

View from inside the cable car.

Palace of Fine Arts.

Post office in Hollywood.

Window of Urban Outfitters, Cahuenga Blvd.

On the way up to the Getty Centre.

Getty Centre after dark with long shutter exposure. No one dared to walk in front of me and my camera – I had to ask them to please proceed!

I admittedly stalked down a few (hopefully unsuspecting) people to get some photos…

Like this.

Self portrait in a series of mirrors at the souvenir store. It’s also my first facebook profile picture change in a year!

Oh yeah, before I forget, one nice thing came of the long and arduous wait in the airport check-in queues – we passed a lot of the time chatting to a cellist who studies in Lansing, Michigan. The guy was super nice and relatable to talk to (not to mention a bit cute, shhh); turns out he’s actually pretty amazing, according to not only the internet, but youtube results. I’d always said… in another life, if I were to be a classical musician, I would totally pick the cello.

So cheers to yet another chance encounter with someone who shone a bit of light on my day and also a little on my dreams. Sometimes it’s nice to have the world seem a little smaller.

The light within you shines like a diamond mine, like an unarmed walrus. Steer on to freedom… Open all the boxes. Open all the boxes.

Pictures speak louder than words, so this post is purely dedicated to a compilation of 50 photos that my mother, sister and I have taken over the past three days.

We took a trip up north to Paihia in the Bay of Islands with some friends, and had an absolute blast, staying at a house right on the waterfront which had spectacular views. I can’t believe that I personally didn’t take any more photos (thus compiling mum and Liv’s photos too, because we all lounged around and did some things together, but some things apart), but it just goes to show how much fun in the sun and relaxing downtime I’ve been having! We swam (out to a post, twice), sunbathed, played poker, had Boston Legal marathons, sang along to songs in the car, drank beer, took bubble baths and ate far, far too much:

There was a huge cruise ship not too far offshore.

Reflected view from my bedroom window, with Liv in the corner.

View from the house.

Interior.

Lottie on our bed with the ranch slider wide open, basking in the view and breeze.

From the outside.

Super Liquor was right across the road! But we didn’t need it, haha.

Mum took this from across the road in the house, when we were heading out to the beach.

Me and my new American flag towel.

Beach!

I didn’t know my sister had taken this until I scoured through her memory card. What a pervert.

Lo and I. I know, I keep calling her a variation of things, but in my head she is a mix between Charlotte, Char, Lottie, and ultimately Lo from “Charlo” (which is what I type into “recipients” when I txt her).

My feeet.

Second floor view from the house.

Massive kitchen!

Japanese noodles.

Lottie wanting to nick off with my blanket and replacing our cat as the ginger tucked in my blanket whilst on holiday. Adorabubbly-cute, haha.

My risotto in progress.

Final product = risotto with mushroom, onions and chicken. My dinner and everyone else’s late night supper… I accidentally took a reeeaaally long nap, you see.

Meal complete with a CC & Dry, of course.

Mum and her Japanese friends all gave my risotto rave reviews, yay!

Lounge.

The house.

These sunset photos were taken by my mum – when I look at her photos, I can really see where she has inadvertently influenced me in style and composition over the years, without really ever properly “teaching” me anything specifically. She never told me how to compose my photos or how to take them in the first place because she didn’t want to restrict my view… but I guess some things just rub off over time, haha. But I’m glad it did.

In a way, I’m relieved I missed out on taking a drive out with mum and her friends to see the sunset, otherwise I would’ve had an internal struggle with my obsession to photograph everything, versus just taking life in through my eyes, not lens.

The spa that we had for a bath.

Lo blowing some bubble love my way.

Once we turned the jets on, the bubbles boiled over like crazy!

View from the house.

We stopped over at Matakana on the way home so that I could quench my cravings for the delicious ice cream and sorbet there. That, and we needed the girls’ room.

Blueberry sorbet and Chocolate ice cream. I LOVE CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM. It’s my top flavour of choice, I get it 99% of the time – but I knew the sorbet there was amazing so I couldn’t miss out… The girl at the store accidentally gave me blueberry ice cream instead of sorbet at first, so that’s what that glob of purple is, in between the two scoops.

I recommend their ice cream and sorbet, but I fucking hate their stupid queuing/ordering system and their customer service isn’t too hot either. That, and I was super glad the girl with short hair who kept touching her hair whilst scooping ice creams didn’t scoop my ice cream.

KILLER EELS?!?!!!!

The odd tree and the car parked in front of us.

Liv took these as we were crossing the harbour bridge, heading home.

There’s me driving with my left hand and red nails.

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I’m gonna meet you on the astral plane, The astral plane or I’ll go insane

I’ve never been huge on dogs, mostly because I was bitten by a huge one (unprovoked!) as a kid, and I still have the scar to show for it. But lately, I keep finding dogs really cute, and even entertain the idea of having one in the far off future. Maybe. I’m not a leopard, so I can change my spots.

Yesterday we went over to an old family friends’ place for a barbecue, where Liv and I visited our old pal, a cute dog called Penny. He’s only a couple of years younger than Liv, which makes him ancient in dog years, and it was very visible from the way he had difficulty walking, as well as his overall laziness. It just made me so, so sad, and dread the day where our cat gets that old too… I remember when he used to be such an energetic little dog that we couldn’t calm down and he would run and yap and yelp all the time – where as now we had trouble attracting his attention, even with food! Anyway, here’s Penny in all his cute glory, my oldest friend in New Zealand.

Of course, I couldn’t do a dog post without posting our cute cat as well. A couple of hours ago, we found him curled up in Liv’s suitcase and we immediately gushed over his cuteness and whipped our cameras out. However, by the time my sister’s rear end got our of my way for me to snap a few of him, she had already pissed him off thoroughly – with constant flashing in his eyes and calling his name – that he simply wasn’t in a cutesy sleepy mood anymore, and was just purely unimpressed. Luckily for him, I don’t use flash. We’re going on a little trip up north for a couple of nights, so this affectionate chappy will hopefully not miss us tooo much!

On late nights like these where I sit here or in bed and write and write, I wonder if I should be doing something more productive such as sleeping. I love sleeping, but evidently never in the “correct” hours of the day. I glance at the time and tell myself “you’ll regret this tomorrow”, and I mostly do, but there is something just so satisfying with having this time to myself. As if not only the whole house (yes, cat included), but the whole world was asleep, and this time was just between me and my mind. Asides from feeling the most creative or mentally productive at these hours, I’m also often the most upset and depressed. It’s when my problems I can distract myself from all day can no longer escape my consciousness. So I transcribe such things into words. And wonder to myself – is this stuff ever worth reading?

I finally grew a little bit of courage and started the momentous task of writing a novella/novel-type thing. The main problem I have is, I’m not sure how to set the timeline and in which order to do it, because it’s like a back and forth flashback/present-day thing. Why couldn’t I have made this easier for myself?! Hopefully spending the next couple of days away in the countryside relaxing on the beach will suss my mind out. I take and handle things too personally.

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” e. e. cummings

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