I’ve been sick at home all week, only tallying up a day and a half at school. It’s barely the end of summer, not even autumn yet, and already I have this awful sinus infection that makes me nauseous, my head heavy and dizzy, and has given me the most disgusting gunk at the back of my nose and throat – I just want to spit it out, but oh it’s just there… I’ll spare the gory details.
So sitting around at home hasn’t been really productive. I’d tried to read my American history and economic tetbooks – the pages that my friends have tried to get me to catch up on, but to no avail. When I’m sick like this, nothing works. I couldn’t even handle skim-reading the newspaper – somehow I read the same line 5 times without it registering, and completely gave up. My sole comfort so far has been watching old episodes of ER and Sex and the City online; and today I vamped this place up with a new theme. The header features a photoshopped image of layers of photos from over the summer, it’s not very exciting, but I was just so sick of seeing the old theme. In addition to all this crap, I can’t seem to stop stirring up problems with the boy. I have a short temper, an inability to express how I feel other than the negative, and me being completely burnt out just does not help, especially when he goes to a different school and I’m always preoccupied. But oh, I don’t know, it’s all a mess in my head, I just want it all to be okay. He came around for a while earlier today. Then for about two minutes after dinner. And despite all the shit that I put the both of us through, when I hug him, the smell of him is like the smell of comfort to me. It’s nice. And in those moments I feel safe.