Make it long, make it last forever, Make it cruel, just make me laugh

Let me first get your attention by showing you a cute picture of my very affectionate cat:

Now, that that has succeeded, I can insert a long entry below. So unless you’ve been living under a rock, or not very active online, you would have noticed a trend in the phrase “first world problems”. It’s a Twitter and Facebook tag, too. Anyway, that’s what I had today – a first world problem. I feel like such a brat saying this, for having even had this “dilemma” in the first place – it’s about choosing between two pairs of shoes for the law ball, by the way. I just felt like, oh my god, think of the people struggling to pay bills, and I’m struggling to decide between sexy-hottt-leather or subtle-preeetty-suede?! so yeah, I basically felt like an idiot in my utter indecision. I’ve “decided” for now, but tomorrow I will probably struggle with following my decision through. Anyway, the main thing is – I hate this phrase, “first world problems” – it’s so true, and yet, so crude! It’s especially bad when people misuse or overuse it, just like how the whole “fml” thing exploded some years back. I don’t know… I guess it just makes me feel like we are all a bit pathetic. It’s like how you can always find people in worse off positions than yourself, so why invalidate whatever problems you may have? Be it if you burnt your hand baking, or can’t find a sober driver, or like me at the moment, can’t decide between two hot pairs of shoes?

On the topic of shoes, I don’t know how on earth I developed a “shoe thing” – all I know is that it began with my aqua blue patent Doc Martens last year, then expanded onto Ksubi boots and then… well it all went downhill from there…

And a warning for the next post – I love love love Bloc Party and haven’t been able to take this song off repeat this week. It’s an oldie but a goodie – The Prayer SOOO applicable and relevant right now. More on that later!

And the hunger of those early years will never return, But I don’t mind, I don’t mind

Daylight savings is messing with my head. I know we’ve only flicked our clocks an hour forward, but somehow that hour throws me off so badly. It’s weird that I handle weird jetlag far better than this! I had my “technical jury” today, which is a technical assessment on everyone’s main instrument, in front of a panel of two teachers. It went well, I think. Not flawlessly, not amazingly, but well. And to be honest, that’s all I need right now. To be relieved. To breathe temporarily. I feel like I’m just clinging onto this university year by the fingernails (that saying sucks, bass players have really short fingernails!) so that I will be able to fall into the abyss of dreaming once again, come November. And then I will once again have to make some way-too-serious decisions about my courses next year that will potentially affect me for the rest of my life. What’s with young people and having to make big, huge decisions around the ages of 17-21? Maybe it’s for this reason that I sometimes feel I suppose the US college system where people just get a Bachelor of Arts or Science and then do post-grad if they want to do something more specific and refined. The whole specialised degree thing in New Zealand is kicking my arse right now. I don’t want to be a uni student for that much longer!

I was looking for some old travel photos earlier and stumbled across this – a photo someone took of me from 2 years and 2 months ago. I want to be that thin again. Somebody please preserve my generous bust-line and lipo my thighs away, please! That sounds awful. Urgh. Seriously though, if it weren’t for the fact that I tore those jeans in Malibu last year, I would try and take the same photo again, just to compare, for self-torture self-motivation. Why do us females do this?! So many blogs that I read have at some point or another (if not currently still) been through some kind of weight-loss scheme. I can’t handle taking tight-skimpily-clothed-photos like Amanda does, nor will I ever go “on a diet”, so I don’t see the point in rambling about this, but can my magic lose-4-kilos-nonsensically powers please come back? kthanxbai. (btw, that was the first – and last – time that I’ve ever typed that “word”)

“it would be nice to look like this again” photo. Everything’s just kinda gotten bigger – bigger boobs, bum, and hmm, hair is a close tie for size, I’d say – but they didn’t need to be! gah.

Tokyo, 2010 – taken by my friend Joel

Whilst I’m on the topic of useless requests, I’d really like to be transported back to Tokyo like about now. As seen above with some sunnies, Canon, asymmetrical-zip trench coat and thigh-high boots. I guess when I’m that covered up, I still look exactly the same… In all seriousness though, the good news of this post is that the boy and I are going to Taiwan and Hong Kong. We finally paid for our flights today, and I will leave for Taipei in mid-December, whilst he finishes up work and joins me on Boxing Day. We’ll mostly be doing awesome things everyday, as I tend to do whilst traveling – galleries, museums, shopping, eating, drinking, dancing, gigging, and photographing our way around town. It’s going to be a blast, and it will be the first time that I’ll see the infamous New Years Eve fireworks at Taipei’s 101. We’ve only got two nights in Hong Kong though, so trying to cram all the things to do there will be interesting…

I’ve also been going on and on about wanting to go to London and New York (I don’t care which first, at this point!), but as neither of us can afford it right now – obviously not after this trip! – it’s been put on the back-burner of things-Amanda-constantly-remembers-to-wish-aloud-for, haha. I need to take up more shifts promoting chocolate and crackers at the supermarket. Uni is getting in the way, but hopefully I can earn some moolah in Nov/Dec to save up ahead of time.

Taipei, 2010 – taken by my friend Joel

And summer hockey starts this week, yay. I’m playing in two teams on both Wednesday and Thursday, so it’s going to bring a lot of exercise for me that has lapsed since winter hockey finished this month. Maybe this getting-my-old-figure-back thing might actually happen after all, haha. In the meantime though, I just might tape up my knees so that they don’t get skinned and see blood, as the law ball is on this Saturday. You’ve been warned: the boy has bought the most amazing suit ever, and to be honest, I don’t think he ought to go out in it as it’d just be a waste of hundreds of dollars since I’ll just want to rip the thing right off him. Plus, it means I have to fight for the limelight, which was meant to be relatively easy in a gold dress, but not so, next to a fucking gorgeous blue suit worn by such a handsome lad. I really miss him tonight, can you tell?

love changes everything, I see my life in daydreams, little scenes of you and me

Winter seemed ridiculously long, yet far too short at the same time. The boy says I keep saying these juxtaposing sentences which makes no sense, but I think that on some levels they do. In the way that whilst I hate the piercing wind giving me head and earaches and making a wreck of my hair, I’ve only worn out my big long coat twice this year. I keep staying up far too late and not focusing on the right things but I’m adamant on posting this playlist before I hit the hay tonight!

And out of humour rather than offense, here’s the highly stereotyped and highly generalised breakdown before the playlist itself – if you like “nice” and what I secretly call “disposable music” then ref to #3 & #6; for those into more electronic-based sounds (see what I meant about highly generalised?), ref to #1, #2, #4, #8 & #9; #5 is a generally what people refer to as “indie rock” and #7 is very, very noisy. In fact I had wanted to post different songs by the band, but figured it was probably too self-indulgent to post such questionable noise which I love. And for the record, #2, #3 & #4 are songs with female vocals.

1. Should Have Taken Acid With You – Neon Indian
The boy and I obsessed over how awesome the first chord of this song was, and I was determined to find The Kills’ song which had the same chord (it’s on “Hit Me When You 1-2”, by the way). We were discussing how apparently this song was initially an apology for a missed acid date, and I said it would have been amazing if I were to one day receive something of the sort in my inbox, but you know, wishful thinking… Although we did devise loose plans for me to teach him the basics of playing guitar. That would be nice. Anecdotes aside, this is just a nice and chilled out song. Sounds like he knew what acid would be in sonic form, haha.

2. Stonefruit – Halou
I can’t get over how the song builds up. How it washes in and out relentlessly. I can listen to this song on repeat for aaaaages, no joke. In fact, I’ve done so many times before.

3. Love You Strongly – Amy Stroup
From whence the title of this entry came. It reminds me of song #6 on this list, that’s why I’ve put them both on. To be honest, I could easily (and I guess I am now) classify this as a disposable pop song by another singer songwriter, because there’s nothing ground-breaking nor particularly innovative in the song at all. But to be fair, I still like it just because it’s sweet. It’ll be forgotten by me soon enough, I won’t deny, but I think it might become one of those songs for when I need a dose of something sickly lovey-dovey. I say damn right love changes everything, it makes me fucking mushy and he knows it.

4. I Follow Rivers – Lykke Li
To those who know what Lykke Li’s music sounds like, you’d know what I mean when I say that this is pretty “Lykke-Li-ish”. There’s two main components that I like about this song. The first being syncopated drum motif that weaves in and out in all the right spaces of the song. The second is the declaratory lyrics and the matter-of-factly manner in which she sings it. Once again, loved up shit.

5. This Heart’s On Fire – Wolf Parade
It was pissing me off that I couldn’t remember the name of the guy who Wolf Parade’s singer’s voice reminds me of… and then a quick google search later, I realised that they’re the same person, d’oh! Major oopsies. Yeah, so I was sitting here going, man they remind me of Handsome Furs (who I actually stopped listening to after I saw them live… long story for next time, perhaps), and then I realised that’s because Dan Boeckner fronts both bands. Idiocy aside, I uhh enjoyed the guitar sounds? That sounds lame. I was going to mostly go on about the vocals, but obviously that was a failure.

6. 3 Rounds and a Sound
It’s just a nice, typical love song with sweet lyrics. And as I mentioned above, I only put this song on this playlist because song #3 sounds reaaaaaaaally, excruciatingly similar. But hey, it’s still sweet?

7. Deadbeat – A Place To Bury Strangers
I really felt like putting A Place To Bury Strangers’ song on here, but my other picks had less recognisable riffs and I thought was probably too noisy for most readers… so I picked something with (not as awesome, dammit!) lyrics, but is kinder to the ear. Bear with me, I love noise noise noiiise. Speaking of which, last Friday the double bass I was playing at uni started feedbacking into the amp and I had NO IDEA how that happened. Twice in a row! I’ve never ever produced bass feedback before in my life, let alone with an acoustic bass that was just plugged in. I know it sounds really backwards that I was so happy that it happened, but bear in mind the context that I’ve been putting up with singers and guitarists causing intolerable feedback for half my life, and I could finally enjoy the luxury of creating such a noise. Plus, it actually sounded good, rather than screeching and deafening. It totally made my day, haha.

8. I Can Get Love – Toro Y Moi
Digging Toro Y Moi’s new EP. It makes me bop and dance around in my room wearing only my boyfriend’s t-shirt. You know those Bonds ads? I totally do that. ALL THE TIME. Those black hipsters are the bessst.

9. Arcade Blues – Neon Indian
After a few more (okay a LOT more) listens, this song has ended up being my favourite song off Neon Indian’s latest album that I had posted about in the last playlist. But unfortunately the site that was streaming the album off has ceased doing so, and this particular song can’t be located anywhere else online. So you might just have to uhh “source it” in order to hear it. But I love love love this song. Not 100% sure why exactly though… it’s just one of those songs that you feel instantly familiar with, even though it’s brand new and you’ve never heard it before. That’s how I feel about it anyway.

As for what shenanigans I got up to on the weekend, it was hockey prizegiving! Which essentially meant trying to not over or under-dress, and definitely entailed getting a bit tipsy. Our captain, Sam, is Irish and had tickets to go see Ireland vs Australia in the pool play of the world cup, but she managed to pop around to our pre-drinks for a couple of photos first. I am SO HAPPY that Ireland beat Australia! (Awaiting the backlash from my Aussie readers now…) It’s going to be interesting to see what happens now because this essentially means that Australia and South Africa are on a collision course in the round after pool play now… Which I’m sure no All Black supporter would mind. And to those who commented on how they didn’t realise that rugby was so popular – well just remember the context that New Zealand is a Commonwealth country, AND we have one of the top rugby teams in the world (hopefully THE top team, soon!) – which for a population of just over 4 million is something to be proud of – and the fact that it’s the most popular sport in the country!

Not to digress further, photos of aforementioned shenanigans below. And also, what the hell but some guy took his pants off on the dancefloor and we saw EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! It was SO uncalled-for and I thought it was hilarious how several of my team mates commented on how they’re glad they know that they’re “going home to” afterwards, haha. I know it confused the boy for a while because my last txt to him before my phone ran flat was a report of the pant-less incident, and needless to say he was relieved to see me sometime after midnight!

 

There are 5 people on the team that were absent. Lame.

Awesome snacks that I mostly didn’t touch because I wasn’t hungry, gah.

Nicole (our goalie) digging out the shots that she brought for us, ha!

Vice-Capt Sav grinning in the centre – her new house was super nice.

That’s my hand there with the red nail polish, surprise surprise.

I’m still not a Bailey’s fan. Eck.

Kim’s first ever shot of anything, I’m pretty sure. Girl is crazy.

Me with my trusty Speights beer. Liz our “player’s player” and Kim.

Remember Kevin Bacon? We gave him some beer, haha.

Okay yeah I just got sick of captions. Bedtiime. It’s well overdue.

you were made for life, you’re lost to the world, very transparent, very selfish, beautiful powerful careless women – watch it

There are currently two great mysteries which I would like to solve right this minute. Well, actually there are three, but one is far too blush-inflicting to ever mention publicly. Although I should stop right now and warn you that to be honest they aren’t “great mysteries” by any stretch of the imagination, but are just things that have been pinching at my nerves with great pressure…

If you have scrolled through this blog at all or even glanced at the sidebar, you can see that I’m very much into photography. Having said that, it seems that I tend to fail rather miserably in front of the camera (except when it is I who has taken the photo) and most especially when I’m the only person in a photo. This leads me to Life’s-Great-Mystery-Right-This-Very-Instant #1 – why is it that I look horrible even in photos taken by my own mother, who is a professional photographer that specialised in portraiture and children’s photography, no less? I’m not going to post any examples, because it’s too cringe worthy and I can’t bear to splash unflattering photos of myself on the internet when enough people have done so already… but the question remains, why?! My mum has said herself, that even she can’t figure out why, and that I make her feel incompetent! For some reason unbeknownst to us, I tend to just seize up and hate being in front of the camera, especially when she’s behind it. I really don’t know why. She thinks its ironic that she used to make a killing living by making ugly people look pretty, but cannot seem to make me look… anywhere near normal or how I usually look, let alone look good. I just look astoundingly dreadful in her photos. To contrast this, here’s a random picture I took of myself in a public bathroom. That sounds like an idiotic thing to do, yes, I don’t deny that, but let me rephrase – it was the bathroom at Grauman’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood, and I was waiting for someone else to finish up, you see. Anyway, the point is, I look absolutely normal there, as I would usually look, if you were to run into me on any given day (except when I’m in a bad mood). So therein lies the great mystery – why do I look nice in thoughtless photos taken in bathrooms of famous places, and instead look awful in pictures taken by other people, even a professional with whom I live and am very close to?

  
  

Just some more photos from Grauman’s Chinese Theater (I thought I’d spell it the way it’s spelt over there…) which I never got around to posting.

As for Life’s-Great-Mystery-Right-This-Very-Instant #2, I am very curious to know whether I am the only person who thinks like this or does this: does anyone else ever think of painful things that are touchy subjects or just things in general that bring you great pain from the past, even though you’re “over it”… and rather, does anyone else do this in almost like a scab-picking way wherein you test the waters a bit, and the first time the thin new skin peels off and it hurts like hell again, but the next time it heals back slightly better and it hurts less, and you repeat this cycle until it’s almost like you’ve desensitised yourself to these great painful memories from the past? I keep doing it, I can’t fucking help it. I have been feeling increasingly better and calmer about things in the past that just a month or two ago would have outright upset me to the point of tears instantly, but I just still don’t feel completely healed. It’s even worse when I feel like there are things that I would have had control over, if only I had known I could reach certain people at all. I guess that’s why I just keep playing the blame game in my head, even though I know it’s pointless, and this is the happiest I have been for a long, loooong time.

On (the fear of) old diaries and notebooks:

Try me, now
Is it safe yet?
Those wounds you shared
Is it safe yet?

Open it, now
Has it been long enough?
Those fires you snuffed
Has it been long enough?

Right/write it, now
Is what you said still true?
Those deepest scars of you
Is what you said still true?

And good lord, please, the All Blacks must destroy Japan in their match tomorrow, or the country will be outraged, especially with the “not risking top players with minor injuries” going on at the moment…

Come together and join the parade, And get back walk on lost in the trade. With the plants and the shimmering beats, With the wind in my hair, you’re free

I’m almost a week late, but I’ve finally found time to blog about the Rugby World Cup and its Opening Ceremony last Friday.

I had been sick since earlier last week, so was rather apprehensive about the idea of being out all Friday night for the World Cup opening – but nothing was going to stop me from a once-in-a-lifetime experience! The weather was spectacular, although for most of the day I had wished it wasn’t since my jacket was bogging me down, and the greater the weather, the greater the crowds. When the boy and I showed up at the ferry with absolutely nowhere to park, little did we know of the crowd troubles that were to plague Auckland for the rest of the day.

Let’s see what the shortest (aka least eloquent) way of describing last Friday I can handle writing is…

  • Got to ferry. Ridiculous queue that spilled out through the carpark and almost only the road.
  • Decided to take a bus. Bus filled up with middle-aged SA supporters that were far too rowdy and revolting. Girl standing next to our seat on the bus was wearing an awful see-through mesh top with a leopard bra underneath. Her gut hung out. She didn’t even have a decent rack! Sorry to say.
  • Said SA supporter’s cheering and rearing and singing and springing (sorry bad pun, for those that picked up on it…) echoed around and round in the bus and almost destroyed my delicate ears that I’ve tried so hard to look after over the years.


  • When we finally got off the bus, we found the Auckland Viaduct and general downtown area to be PACKED with people.
  • A lot of stupid parents decided to bring in not just kids and toddlers, but some brought babies along – in prams, macpacs, you name it – and they stayed in all night, too! How ridiculous, negligent, dangerous, retarded… my list of adjectives could go on.
  • Wriggled our way out by the Hilton hotel to watch the wakas at around 4pm.







  • Note the dudes without, umm, pants.
  • and it was rather impressive that there were wakas with females only…




  • We then decided to kill a few hours and avoid the crowds by getting some beer to drink in the common room at jazz school – which I was delighted to discover was recently adorned with a new, ancient couch that apparently belongs to my improv teacher’s mum. I got a lot of shit for the first thing I asked about it.
  • Dinner at Mentatz, followed by an Apocalypse-like  rush towards the waterfront as we were running around looking up at the sky trying to figure out which might be our best vantage point, with 9 minutes to go.
  • I feel like such a bitch for admitting that I wasn’t that impressed with what was meant to be NZ’s best/greatest/biggest fireworks display…
  • Watched the All Blacks vs Tonga game on the big screen. We got a bit sloppy and if the opposition were anyone else, we would have been punished severely by a worse scoreline. Personally, the victory was a bit borderline for me – we should have gotten more tries.





I’d originally drafted in my head a rather elaborate and certainly more eloquent post about this day… but after only three hours of sleep last night, I simply just can’t handle it right now. I miss writing about things I think and feel rather than merely what’s happened, but that’s all I have energy for at the moment. And don’t get me wrong, I had a fantastic day, and it was adventurous and amazing to see Auckland so jam-packed, but in many ways, the Rugby World Cup opening left a lot to be desired. The poor crowd controls and the public transport disasters that I’m glad I wasn’t directly affected by… it didn’t shed a very good light on Auckland and New Zealand on such a monumentally expensive day. Now I’m just wondering whether or not I’d like to go buy a number 10 All Blacks jersey. Anyone got a spare couple of hundey?

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